Van Pershing

Twilight, True Blood, Buffy, Underworld, Jason Patric’s earrings in The Lost Boys, and Bram Stoker’s 1897 epistolary novel Dracula have a helluva lot to answer for.

The Transylvanian count's arch-nemesis is, of course, Professor Abraham Van Helsing, a Dutchman who takes time out from practising law and medicine to hunt vampires. As you do.

Seeking inspiration from both Stoker’s multi-talented hero and Mika Mobile’s side-scrolling shooter Zombieville USA, Oak Team has devised the devilishly simple, yet cumbersome and limited Van Pershing.

From an unsurprisingly haunted cemetery to the Prince of Darkness's mighty castle, you, as the eponymous monster hunter, must foil and eviscerate wave after horizontal wave of Frankenstein creatures, cyclops, and Viking-styled zombies.

You're equipped for this task at the outset with the obligatory wide-brimmed hat and standard issue pistol, while weapons upgrades, magical potions, and first aid kits are available at the end of each stage - of which there are 40 - from a buxom shopkeeper.

How does one go about paying this delightful arms dealer? With gold coins earned from obliterating said fiends, naturally.

Finite fiscal resources lead to difficult decisions far down the line. After all, money doesn't grow on trees, and you can easily find yourself faced with a budgeting crisis. Cash is required to refill lost health and shielding, which makes managing it a balancing act between restoring health and shield status, and stocking up on ammunition.

Balancing Van Pershing's expenditures may never prove to be a concern because any motivation to advance to the game's later stages is sapped by the pedestrian early levels.

No amount of parallax scrolling, carefully polished art style, and Tardis-like cloaks can camouflage the one-dimensional, and, at times, infuriating button-mashing demands of those opening skirmishes.

The introduction of magic spells and exotic weaponry comes far too late in the game to have a substantial impact. You could easily miss their impact on gameplay, that is, if you even find yourself compelled to make it that far.

OpenFeint leaderboards offer replayability value to some degree, though even these could benefit from timed challenges or ghost runs, rather than simply number of kills.

For the price of a Mars bar, it's tempting to lay to rest the evil, titular antagonist of Stoker’s masterpiece once and for all with fireballs, saws, and holy water sprayers. However, the journey of Van Pershing is one end that is not justified by its means.