Super Mario Run is here. And some people on the internet are furious about the fact that Nintendo's developers would like some money, please, in exchange for their hard work and long hours.
"Why can't it be free?" you ask a random passerby on the street. "Pokemon GO was free, so why isn't Mario?" you scream, while angrily jabbing your finger at a Starbucks employee.
Well let Pocket Gamer answer that obviously rhetorical question.
We're going to do the Scrooge thing, but instead of showing you your grave and signing songs with Muppets, we're going to take you to the parallel universe where Super Mario Run is free to play.
Mario now only has a certain amount of energy, and the poor lad gets tuckered out whenever you play a level. If you run out of energy you'll have to pay up, wait around, or bother your social media pals to keep playing.
The free to play Super Mario Run would be a lot harder, with cheap deaths and painful enemies.
Why? So you'll die, and the developers can try and get a bit more cash out of you, of course. When you fail in this game you'll need to watch an advert or wait five minutes before you can try again.
Ah, the ol' Plants vs Zombies 2 classic. The player just got to the end of the world and is ready for more and... oh no. You gotta grind through those levels you've already played to earn enough scratch. Or maybe you'll pay up?
Especially when this happens. Ouch.
Bubbles are handy tools in Super Mario Run. Whenever you start a level you get two, and can use them to save your skin or return to an area with a coloured coin. In the free to play version you'll have a persistent bubble collection and will need to top it up with in-app purchases.
Well, this one is obvious. They don't make craftsmen like they used to: free to play builders always need about 16 hours to make even the simplest stuff. Come back tomorrow, maybe?
Oh no, not this again!
Urge... to throw phone... rising.
Toad Rally is already a bit unbalanced, as players can get more coins if they have crushed loads of enemies beforehand. But wait until you try some of these boosts! That's sure to destroy any sense of competition and make the leaderboards a farce. Yay!
This is always a favourite. You worked hard, you got a reward, and then the game holds back half of it until you watch an advert. Though, the devs make it sound like they're being generous.
I dunno, there's just something ransom-y about it.
Nothing like the thrill of loading up your game to learn you lost huge amounts of progress because you didn't protect your kingdom.
I dunno, there's just something extortion-y about it.
Oh for the love of Miyamoto.