Features

The 7 worst Pokemon ever

These really are Trubbish

The 7 worst Pokemon ever
|
| Pokemon GO

Pokemon fever is rife in the world once again, with everyone living their dreams of wandering around, catching Pokemon, going to gyms, and punching your neighbour Gary in his stupid face.

While there are some amazing Pokemon out there - with Pikachu remaining the highlight of cuteness, by the way - there are also some real stinkers.

So we thought we'd run down the worst Pokemon to date. Hold onto your butts!

7. Trubbish Pokemon GO

Obvious one this - who wants a Pokemon that looks like a spare trash can? I don't want to think about waste unless it's bin day, in which case I want to think about someone else taking the bins out while I go back to sleep.

I will grant whoever designed this monstrosity that drawing the ears as the little twisty thingies at the top of the bin bag is a masterstroke, though, and that puts Trubbish at just number seven.

6. Rattata Pokemon GO

Rattata is peak 90s. The purple-all-over look is the Pokemon equivalent of triple denim, and as such looks as outdated as leopard print or poorly-applied highlights on the mop of a 22-year-old pop singer.

It's also the most unimaginative Pokemon around. Imagine the boardroom meeting where Rattata was proposed:

Artist: I've got a new idea for a Pokemon, boss!

Big boss, CEO of Pokemon: Do go on, Jeffrey.

Artist: It's sort of like a rat, but, like, with awful fashion. CEO: EUREKA! My gosh, you've done it Jeffrey! This is the masterstroke we've been looking for! CEO [To everyone]: HEY EVERYONE! Jeff's done it! A denim rat! We're gonna be rich! 5. Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf Pokemon GO

'The Lake Guardians', as they're known, are crap.

Well, kinda. Individually, they're fine. But together, they're boring, all the same type, and symptomatic of the Great Legendary Boom of the mid 2000s, when Legendary Pokemon were so common I was getting them free in my Coco Pops every morning.

4. Oshawott Pokemon GO

Oshawott is essentially Piplup, with like, no differences? We already have one penguin starter, and as cute as penguins are, this region ain't big enough for the both of 'em.

Why do we still not have a naked mole rat Pokemon, Game Freak?! *shakes fist*

[Editor's note: we've heard conflicting reports this morning, with some saying Oshawott is in fact a sea otter, and NOT a penguin. We will update you as soon as we know more. Please try to stay calm in these difficult times.]

3. Pidgey Pokemon GO

I used to like Pidgey - every Pokemon game needs its cute bird at the start that fledges into a tank later on, and Pidgey did well to define that role way back when. Then along came Pokemon GO.

So.

Many.

Pidgeys!

I've got so much Pidgey candy I feel sick.

2. Klefki Pokemon GO

What were they thinking?

1. Squirtle Pokemon GO

Ahhh, Squirtle. Squirtle, Squirtle Squirtle.

*sighs*

I wish I could like you. I do like you! But it's not you, it's me.

No wait, it's definitely you. For one of the most loved and well known Pokemon out there, you're just a bit rubbish, aren't you?

You don't really change with evolutions, Wartortle's ears look ridiculously dumb, and, when all's said and done, you're just a turtle.

You're just a turtle.

Oscar Dayus
Oscar Dayus
Oscar grew up playing games in the 90s, and as such can't help but jump on any sort of moving platform. He hasn't yet perfected the art of double-jumping in real life, though, so has now turned to writing instead.