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Harry's hot takes: 5 things from Love Island that should appear in Love Island: The Game

Tropical heat
Product: Love Island: The Game | Publisher: Fusebox Games | Format: Android, iPhone, iPad
Love Island: The Game is a game that's based on Love Island the TV show. Unlike Love Island the TV Show the game, Love Island: The Game, is interactive, and the developers of the game (which is called Love Island: The Game), can add new content to said game in a way that Love Island the TV Show cannot.

Because it's a TV show, unlike Love Island: The Game, which is a game.

After that masterclass in SEO, it's time to get down to the nitty gritty. Today I've decided to write about five things from Love Island the TV show that should make it into Love Island: The Game.

Since I've never watched Love Island the TV show though, I'm just going to have to guess about the things that happen in it, and explain why these imagined occurrences should definitely be made part of Love Island: The Game.

That time Cornelius got eaten by a shark

Having not seen any Love Island, I imagine that it's a TV show set on an island. I also imagine it's going to have awful people with names like Cornelius in it, because that just sounds like it makes sense.

And who can forget that hilarious moment in season 7 when love rat Cornelius went for a cooling swim in the lagoon and found himself confronted by an enormous Great White Shark! We were talking about that at the watercooler for weeks afterwards.

Really though, Cornelius had no one to blame but himself. If you go out swimming in the ocean, where sharks live, and are made of stuff that sharks find delicious, then you can't really complain if you get eaten.

That time Cynthanelia had a complete nervous breakdown

Cynthanelia's complete mental collapse in season 43 of Love Island is definitely one of the highlights of the show's nearly half a century of time on the air. It was the incident that saw the controversial "weapons challenge" permanently dropped.

After Howie had spurned Cynthanelia for the attentions of Surozzane, Cynthanelia fell into a deep depression, spending hours on the beach writing incredibly rude words in 200 foot letters on the sand.

She then headed to the interior of the island, founded her own clan with a wild boar and a drawing of a monkey, raided the locker where the weapons for the weapons challenge were held, and fought a six month guerilla campaign against her fellow contestants and the production crew.

Hilarious, I'm sure you'll agree. Some people say that Cynthanelia, the boar, and the drawing of the monkey still live in a cave at the heart of the island, plotting their sinister revenge.

When one of the contestants was a dog

Season 24 of the long-running show tried to boost ratings by introducing an animal angle to the experience. One of the contestants, Fluffy, was actually a dog. The twist was, the contestants weren't told the the dog was, and had to figure it out for themselves.

Things did go a little bit sour when the dog was bitten by a rabid bat and became a foaming-mouthed slaughter machine. The disease spread quickly through the camp, until the show was more like an episode of The Walking Dead.

Still, it was amazing seeing Fluffy wearing a bikini and bitching with the other contestants. Even when she started howling at the moon and ripping out their throats, some of the humans didn't realise she was actually a canine!

A typo in the credits leads to confused viewers

By season 86 of the show, everyone working on it was bored to tears. So, to make things more interesting for themselves, they decided that a typo in the credits to an episode could remain.

Thus Glove Island was born. Rather than human beings trying to get their rocks off with one another, this episode was just an hour long documentary about an island where the inhabitants have never heard of gloves.

After the gloves were introduced to the island, the natives said they were nice, but a bit too warm to wear in the tropical heat. Astoundingly, the episode received no complaints, because it was actually much better than all of the others.

When producers introduced a hive full of cursed bees

There really was a sting in the tail of season 420. While the contestants were housed in a mixed dorm, which many viewers thought might lead to more sexual tension, they were also joined by a hive filled with a thousand cursed bees.

The curse, which meant that the bees thought that nectar tasted like a deep waft of flatulence, could only be broken by death. But they'd been genetically engineered so that their stings wouldn't kill them.

Within four days, half of the contestants had been hospitalised, one of them, Clanny, slipped into a coma that many think he'll never wake from. The island was abandoned, and now the bees live out their lives of perpetual fart-flavoured agony away from the media spotlight.


Reviewer photo
Harry Slater 29 July 2018
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