iGDWC 2010: The Grand Final Review

After 63 suspenseful, entertaining, and occasionally brutal matches, two nations were left standing in the Pocket Gamer iPhone Game Developers World Championship.

USA and Australia stood proudly at the top of the app mountain, 90 minutes away from eternal glory (and a pint or 17 of Carling, most likely).

The iconic iStadium had welcomed over 80,000 fans through its turnstiles for this final. Geezers, women, grannies, infants, and even barmen took their seats long before kick-off, convinced that they were about to witness something special.

At 7.20pm, the English referee, flanked by his two assistants (and a representative from Specsavers), emerged from the shadowy tunnel, collecting the controversial Jubilani ball en route to the centre circle and the obligatory pre-match pageantry.

Behind the balding Yorkshireman marched the two sides, gladiatorial in demeanour: Lima Sky and USA's Doodle Jump vs Firemint and Australia's Flight Control.

Both teams bellowed out their respective national anthems, 44 eyes bulging with pride, before tossing the ceremonial coin to decide ends and kick-off.

Australia elected to shoot from left to right in the first half, and so it would fall to America to get us underway at 7.30pm GMT.

LeBron, Paris, and Ronaldo (the fat one)
Sporting contests of this magnitude often fail to ignite straight away, the twin pressures of weight and expectation constricting the players in the early, testing stages.

To nobody’s surprise, the backroom tacticians and Prozone experts had devised complex plans over the last four days, designed to stifle the opponent.

Unfortunately for the assembled masses, these brilliantly-conceived schemes were having the desired effect, serving to neutralise the threat of all four danger men.

For the time being.

23 minutes in, and Team America’s pin-up boy Doodle the Doodler, the app equivalent of LeBron James, had escaped the touch-tight attentions of his marker for the first time. Net result: 1-0.

Flight Control’s coach quickly responded, sending a replacement stealth-fighter in through Gate 18. Unable to track the crafty craft’s movements along the right hand runway, Doodle Jump’s full-back resorted to wild and speculative lunges.

Following one such mistimed tackle, Australia was awarded a direct free kick in a dangerous position. 26 yards out, centre of goal, little to no wind - a scenario the Oz deadball specialist had dreamed about more than once last night.

Fast forward 12 seconds and every goalkeeper’s worst nightmare: picking the ball out of the back of the net. We had lift off!

America’s box was now seeing more action than, erm, Paris Hilton’s, as balls were being pumped in, ahem, from every angle.

Attempting to stem the Australian tide, Lima Sky’s marketing guru brandished the title’s PG Silver Award to all and sundry, only to find his counterpart do much the same moments later.

The critical acclaim served to inspire the American’s charges first, though, Doodle the Doodler extending his lead at the top of the goalscorers’ charts with an extraordinary leap, best described by a colleague nearby as ‘salmon-esque’.

Aussies, as a rule, don’t know the meaning of the word ‘defeat’.

Their gas-guzzling jumbo centre half, sporting the squad number 747, found himself in the unusual position of 1-on-1 with the opposition goalkeeper, after some exquisite Bluetooth multiplayer movement.

With a finish reminiscent of the great, but now rather chubby, Ronaldo, the giant flyer powered home the second equaliser for the Socceroos.

Wall of Sound
After a painfully long half-time break (six of Australia’s side needed refuelling at a local petrol station), play resumed at a frantic pace.

Inspired by U-S-A chants ringing out from seemingly every corner of this hallowed arena, Doodle Jump blitzed its opponents over the course of 16 heartstopping minutes.

Wave after wave of attacks crashed down on Flight Control’s rear airfield, as the ultra-patriotic American players, backed by that incredible Wall of Sound, took the Australians to the cleaners on two separate occasions.

THAT four-legged superstar, Doodle the Doodler, further enhanced his already soaring reputation by turning provider for America’s fifth in the closing seconds.

Over 70,000 Stars ‘n’ Striped flags were promptly held aloft, their owners hailing the superhuman effort at this year’s tournament.

The USA had been crowned iPhone Game Developers World Champions!

Squadmates Spore Origins and Space Miner: Space Ore Bust raced onto the pitch to join in the predictably raucous celebrations.

Tears were shed, knees were dropped, and eyes turned misty.

What a final. What a competition. What a month!

Confused? Click here to go to the iPhone Game Developers World Championship info page.