5 games to commemorate ex-Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson
The motormouth gets an iOS gaming-related send-off
Jeremy Clarkson has been sacked from the BBC, meaning that Top Gear's glorious / tiresome (delete as applicable) stranglehold of Sunday night TV is probably at an end.
Boo! / hooray!
With the big grumpy Argentina-botherer put out to pasture, we thought now would be a fine time to commemorate / celebrate his professional passing with a bunch of vaguely related games.
No, don't thank us. It's what Clarkson would have wanted. Possibly.
Grand Theft Auto IIIBy Rockstar Games - buy on iPhone
Regular bouts of irresponsible driving interspersed by heavily scripted acts of stupidity, moments of unprovoked violence, low-brow humour, a generally offensive tone, and the growing sense that it's past its best.
But enough about Clarkson's Top Gear career - what about Grand Theft Auto III's relevance to this piece?
Sorry, we've got nothing.
Real Racing 3By Firemonkeys - download on iPhone
Clarkson is known to have been a keen player of Gran Turismo, Polyphony Digital's series of meticulously detailed racing simulators.
The closest thing to the former Top Gear presenter's favourite PlayStation game on iOS has to be the Real Racing series, with its sumptuous (and numerous) car models and devotion to realistic(ish) car physics.
We've gone for Real Racing 3 because it's the latest, but it also emonstrates how a once-loved car series has soured somewhat in its later years (thanks to freemium). That seems appropriate, somehow.
Need for Speed: Most WantedBy EA - download on iPhone
EA's brash arcade racer is the ideal tribute to Mr Clarkson's Top Gear years. It's a fine distillation of the flashy, showy, squealy-tired side of motor racing.
It's not particularly clever or challenging, but Need for Speed: Most Wanted is a slick car-obsessed package that drags you along for the ride, whether your brain is engaged or not.
Mr Clarkson would doubtless approve.
Reckless Racing 3By Pixelbite Games - buy on iPhone
Clarkson was renowned for his tendency to drive even the most prestigious of supercars the same way a 17-year-old Max Power reader might treat their beloved Citroen Saxo.
That back-end-out brand of racing - as thrilling as it is showy and obnoxious - is best represented on iOS by the Reckless Racing series.
Reckless Racing 3 is a brilliantly kinetic top-down racing game with a tactile, slippy-slidey driving model. Driving responsibly and precisely is kind of missing the point - a philosophy Clarkson seemed to live by.
Taekwondo Game Global TournamentBy Hello There - buy on iPhone
When it came down to it, Clarkson's demise didn't come about through an automotive accident, a racial slur, or some kind of diplomatic outrage. It was because of a thuggish act of violence against a colleague over a lack of hot food.
With that in mind, perhaps a beat-'em-up would be a better send-off for the great oaf than a driving game.
When the steaks were down, Clarkson would have been better served booting up Taekwondo Game Global Tournament, a supremely technical beat-'em-up with great touchscreen controls, than swinging for his producer.