Fist of Jesus

Fist of Jesus is a very silly and relentlessly gory short film that casts a certain historical figure as a zombie slayer, taking on hordes of the undead with fishy weapons and beardy grace.

Think Life of Brian reimagined by a Spanish film-maker with a penchant for the absurd ("Oh my God! Roman zombies! [beat] Cowboy zombies!") and you're half-way there.

Given Apple's tendency towards banning games of questionable taste, you might wonder how such a concept translates to the App Store, and the answer is - not terribly well.

Visually, everything appears to have mutated into a kind of cute sub-Manga cartoon style that's largely inoffensive and doesn't remotely stand out from legions of other iOS titles.

As for the gameplay, we're firmly in the world of the beat-'em-up.

Oddly - and presumably in an attempt to get past Apple's review board - Jesus isn't the star of the show this time.

Instead, it's Judas who does the death-dealing, working his way through countless undead Romans, cowboys, and other assorted critters. You use a virtual stick to move him about and a button to punch the face off of anything nearby.

Over time, you unlock special abilities and powers, like being able to bring down stars to crush your opponents (by stabbing a button icon that then slowly recharges).

Or you can partake in a little spine-ripping or heart-removing (through timing a punch at the exact moment an oscillating arrow above a zombie's head moves over a critical red zone).

On an iPad, you'll likely end up cursing to the point God might want a word with you, such is the dodgy nature of the D-pad with its massive dead-zone.

On a smaller device, controlling Judas with some degree of accuracy is actually possible. It's also far easier to reach the special powers buttons that are positioned at the top of the screen.

Still, even on an iPhone, Fist of Jesus seems oddly quaint and not terribly contentious, unless you find a cartoon game about a violent Judas a huge insult.

Without its veneer of biblical content, it's unlikely the title would gain a great degree of notoriety, and it certainly wouldn't court controversy.

As it is, the most offensive aspect of Fist of Jesus is really that it's just not that much fun to play.

Each level is a small scrolling arena, and your path is increasingly blocked by irritating and arbitrary gating. You might have to survive for a set length of time, or kill a specific number of nasties.

The sense of progression you got from even the most ancient of brawlers, like Double Dragon, is missing.

And it's replaced by a tedious and monotonous bite-sized structure thick with monotony, peppered with difficulty spikes, and heavily hinting at IAP to boost your earnings, which can then be spent on upgrades.

Perhaps had Fist of Jesus really gone to town - maybe mid-1990s-Mortal Kombat-style digitised figures, or truly over-the-top gore - or simply been a lot funnier, it would have been worth investment.

As it is, it's painfully mediocre, not especially edgy, and you'd be better off spending a couple of hours revisiting the aforementioned Monty Python classic.