Vivid Bombs 'n' Boobs

Let's face it, bombs and boobs are two things that you wouldn't normally put together in the same sentence; we tried for ages, but it's impossible without sounding like a grade-A psycho. Bombs are something commonly used to blow things up, while boobs are, well, just boobs, really. One is destructive and the other is nurturing.

Therefore, it's rather hard to imagine a scenario where the two things could coexist harmoniously, is it not? Least of all in a video game.

After loading the game, the first thing we did was to head to the Help menu. Here, as you'd expect, the object of the game is revealed, along with the control system. Apparently, the aim of the game is 'to reveal all fields which don't contain a bomb'. Reading on, we discover that, 'after opening some fields, there are numbers showing how many bombs surround an open field'.

At no point in the game's instructions did it mention that there are pictures of topless pornstars underneath and that the more fields you clear, the more the image is revealed. It's understandable, though; perhaps even the game is embarrassed to say exactly what it does.

When you start a round you're faced with a grid. Removing squares from this grid displays numbers that relate to how many bombs are on squares directly linked to them. For example, if one square has a '2' in it, then you know that two hidden squares next to it contain bombs.

With a dab of luck and a lot of common sense, it doesn't take long to work out where the bombs are and, when you've found the location of all the bombs, the woman shows off her lady bumps (which we suspect have been enhanced by silicon, if that makes a difference to you. We're no experts.)

So there you have it. At its heart, Vivid Bombs 'n Boobs is a crude (in all senses of the word) version of Minesweeper, the game that comes free with every PC. Except this version has added breasts to appeal to young males, and far fewer levels. (Try Absolute Minesweeper instead, if you're after the same gameplay on mobile).

Vivid Bombs 'n' Boobs isn't arousing, clever, ironic or even funny. What it is though is one of the most blatant attempts to get men to buy a mobile phone game that we've ever seen. If we only ever ask you to do one thing for us, we're asking that you please avoid this shameful game.

Perhaps then the mobile industry will realise that men aren't entirely shallow, and that uncovering a pair of breasts in a barely average puzzle game isn't the future of mobile entertainment.