The Kings

Being massively unsociable and reluctant to leave the house unless I absolutely have to, I’ve often fantasised about owning a castle. Something with a huge courtyard and vaulted ceilings, where you can go outside and still be nicely cut off from the world by impenetrable walls. Awesome.

This mindset seems to spill over into strategy games, particularly mediaeval or fantasy ones like The Kings. I’m far more inclined to fortify my castle than to trawl the countryside recruiting lords and heroes to the game’s forced megalomaniacal tendencies.

Too bad, because this is a game that punishes reclusive behaviour, demanding you get out there and mingle with the warlord community. Bah.

There are quite a few kingly types on a fresh map, too. Your first task is to grab up as many neighbouring, unaffiliated castles as possible, though it seems the computer is far more adept at socialising. For each move you make, your encroaching neighbours seem to make three. All too quickly you’re outnumbered and surrounded.

While you debate whether it’s best to use each turn’s three action points to go hunting, recruit a hero to your cause, or train some soldiers the warlord two doors down is preparing to storm your domain.

The Kings is entirely menu driven, but manages to carefully assign those menus to keep the screen uncluttered. The App Store blurb congratulates itself over the use of tooltips that pop up with each button press, instructing you on the purpose and use of each aspect of play.

Unfortunately, poor grammar, often inane descriptions and fact that the system regularly chops words in half (rather than wrapping them onto the next line) makes these tips mostly unreadable.

As strategy games go, The Kings is a simple one and any seasoned gamer will be able to fumble through without much trouble. It also throws in a diluted, turn-based combat system should you wish to command an army manually.

The main problem comes from the vicious difficulty, which never lets up for a second. As such, the strategy aspect is significantly weakened, becoming one not of intelligent tactics or astute diplomacy, but of urgency, brute force and ignorance.

The graphics exhibit a similar philosophy. While they’re clear and functional, the animations are crude and comical enough that they could have been lifted straight from an episode of Monty Python. Similarly, the number of castles packed into an unconvincing grid across the landscape robs the environment of any kind of realism.

The game’s immediacy of play is still quite appealing, especially if you're on the lookout for quick and disposable strategy during coffee breaks. It'll improve significantly if the tooltip system is fixed, but for the time being it’s not quite the cerebral experience a good strategy game should be.