The Expendables

Conventional wisdom holds that movie-licensed games are usually bad, even when the movie is good. But what happens when a game is made from a bad movie? The answer is the mess that is The Expendables.

Stunningly bad controls, horrible pacing, and gameplay so shallow that it makes static shooting gallery Metal Gear Solid Touch look like a rousing epic, The Expendables is possibly the worst movie-licensed title to hit iPhone and iPod touch.

To its credit, the game's approach to the movie isn't a bad one. Rather than rehashing the film's plot in a formulaic action-adventure, you're granted control over leading man Barney Ross. Story has been thrown out the window - all you do is shoot enemies that appear in waves.

It's not a bad idea, but the execution is absolutely atrocious. Everything from the controls to the visuals to the lack of incentives to entice replay ensures The Expendables is a wasted opportunity.

The controls are by far the most significant problem. Instead of employing a twin-stick configuration for movement and aiming, the game opts for an odd tilt-touch hybrid.

Ross moves forward automatically at a set pace, and you can change his direction by tilting your device. This also adjusts his aim, which is fixed at the center of the screen. A button on the left enables you to stop Ross in his tracks, whereas a second button on the right fires his gun.

It's an uncomfortable, unintuitive setup that's completely non-negotiable. Alternative control schemes aren't offered, forcing you to fumble around with the awful default.

If you're somehow able to get past the controls, the absence of variety and poor pacing are sure to drive you away. There's only one weapon and one level in the entire game. Long waits between waves have you sitting without anything to do.

Given proper focus, the concept behind The Expendables could have worked. Unfortunately, the execution is sloppy and incomplete, leaving a mess of a game that even a fan of the movie couldn't love.