Swords and Earrings - Tales of Andaria

Apparently, you can have too much of a good thing, but what about of a bad thing?

Despite the 35 hours of gameplay promised by the maker of Swords & Earrings - Tales of Andaria, one overzealous user on the Android Market asks for "more levels, please!"

Please, don’t let us get stuck at a party next to someone who's unsatisfied after a day and a half of clichéd, uninspired, and awkward to control turn-based 2D strategy.

We'd have to show them too much of a good thing and down our bottle of Chateau Mouton-Rothschild to continue in polite conversation.

Its bizarre moniker aside, the first campaign in the Tales of Andaria series (part two is already available) is one of the most generic strategy RPG around.

After an overly thorough, but skippable, tutorial, you're tasked with protecting the medieval kingdom of Andaria from invading forces across endless, endless missions.

Most involve moving your blue army of archers, swordsmen, and magical healers (there are nearly 30 classes to call upon) from point A to B across 2D grid-based battlefields, vanquishing any red enemies along the way or escorting a vital cast member to safety.

While the Royal conspiracy-driven plot is modestly intriguing, with odd twists and turns, having to watch the dull, barely animated sprites standing around in static conversation between missions is hardly the stuff of Tolkien.

It's Sword & Earrings - Tales of Andaria's archaic controls that really hamper the experience, though, along with a screen awkwardly fixed in a split screen portrait mode (with action on the top and virtual D-pad below).

Selecting units, moving around the grid, attacking and special attacks are all handled by painstakingly scrolling around the map using aforementioned virtual D-pad and cycling through the various action icons.

If it sounds like a lot of toil and drudgery, you should (or shouldn't) try it in practice. It's a problem that could have easily been remedied if players could simply tap on heroes, grid squares, and icons as you'd expect on a touchscreen device.

Yes, Swords & Earrings - Tales of Andaria does a successful job of evoking nostalgia for vintage strategy RPGs but, with no concessions to modern gaming, it's an effect that wears off quicker than a guest finding excuses to head for a refill when they start talking to the party bore.