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 STEAM FEATURE

Harry's hot takes: It's the Chinese year of the dog, but what are different dog's favourite mobile games?

Hot, slobbery takes
Product: Monument Valley | Developer: ustwo | Format: Android, iPhone, iPad, Steam, Switch | Genre: Adventure, Platform, Puzzle
 
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Happy Chinese New Year! This year is the year of the dog. Dogs are cool. Some of them are fluffy, some of them aren't fluffy, and almost all of them are super cute drool monsters who want to be your best friend.

Which got me thinking. What would a dog's favourite mobile game be? And not just one dog, lots of different dogs, pictures of which I have found from various sources on the internet? That's right, once again I'm answering the big questions that no one else has the guts to ask.

Big Beethoven Dog

Two St Bernards and a mountain
Image source

Big Beethoven Dogs like saving people in the cold. They have a pouch on their neck that is often filled with life-bringing booze. When they shake their heads loads of slobber flies off and it gets on all of your stuff but you don't mind.

Favourite mobile game: Big Beethoven Dog would like a slow-paced, thought provoking game. So something like Monument Valley I'm guessing.

Nearly-a-Wolf Dog

Two huskies

Image source

Nearly-a-Wolf Dogs like to run real fast. They run through the snow, they run through the not snow. You can literally never stop them running. I think in dog parlance it is known as "doing a zoom". They can bark louder than the ocean can roar.

Favourite mobile game: Nearly-a-Wolf Dog would like an endless runner, because they like endlessly running. So let's go for Temple Run.

Silly Face Squonk Dog

A sad pug

Image source

The Silly Face Squonk Dog is so-called because of its silly face and the way that most of the noises it makes are squonks. It likes making friends, but it is not very good at getting up on sofas unless you help it.

Favourite mobile game: Silly Face Squonk Dogs are neither dextrous nor intelligent. So probably Candy Crush Saga.

Not Mean Love You Dog

A lovely nice staffie

Image source

A misunderstood breed. The Not Mean Love You Dog is not mean, and it loves you. It will sit on you and run around and get excited. If you treat it good, it will treat you good. Pat it on the head and rub its tummy and you have a friend for life.

Favourite mobile game: You probably think some awful shooter game, but actually the Not Mean Love You Dog likes games about making friends like Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp.

Cheeky Smile Dog

A cheeky Shiba

Image source

The Cheeky Smile Dog knows something you don't. It doesn't mind though, it still likes you. But it will always be better than you, even if you think you are in charge. You are not in charge. Cheeky Smile Dog is in charge.

Favourite mobile game: Cheeky Smile Dog is the best at Clash Royale because its strategies always come off because it knows stuff.

Big ol' White Dog

A polar bear and cub
Image source

You will only ever see the Big ol' White Dog on the ice floes. Or on mints. The Big ol' White Dog isn't really a dog, but it is fluffy and you definitely want to pet it. If you do pet it, it will rip your arms off and you will have no arms.

Favourite mobile game: Infinity Blade, even though it doesn't need blades to rip your arms off.

Cat

A hissing cat


Cat is mean. Stay away.

Favourite mobile game: Hissssssssssssssssss.
 

Reviewer photo
Harry Slater 16 February 2018
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