Retro Games 5 in 1
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| Retro Games 5-in-1

Back in the late '80s, cheap, slightly crappy LCD handhelds were the only real portable entertainment systems available to those without shed-loads of expendable cash at their disposal.

While the spoilt rich kids rollicked around with Game Boys, all of us mere mortals had to make do with yet another poor, jerky portable that desperately copied the big console titles of the day and Nintendo’s own Game & Watch systems for good measure.

Retro Games 5 in 1 takes you back to that golden age of cheap LCD titles and feeling poor in the school playground, although why you’d want to do that is beyond me.

The eye of a Tiger

First, let’s get the best bits out of the way – it looks very authentic.

From the unused (but still visible) dots on the screen, to the way the game reuses the Tetris ‘next block’ window for your lives on other games, everything is very ‘Tiger Electronics’ in its execution. I was actually disappointed that the Level and Speed selections didn’t cut off at ‘9’, such was the consistency in design elsewhere.

Yes, it also has Tetris as one of its five games, although in keeping with the time (and modern copyright lawyers’ eagle eyes) it’s called ‘Tetriks’. Not the same game, obviously.

Tetris- sorry, ‘Tetriks’ is by far the highlight of the package, although to say it’s even slightly on the level of polish or as fun as Tetris Revolution is like saying breaking your ankle is as enjoyable as winning the lottery.

It’s a similar story elsewhere, with Arkanoid (Breakout) and Snake being serviceable replications of the original games, but not a patch on, say, Brick Breaker Revolution 2 or Aztec Snake (or, indeed, the 1987 Spectrum version of Arkanoid and the Nokia 3210’s version of Snake).

Shot through

While the first three games aren’t exactly good, the last two are just plain rubbish.

Tennis is basically a one-player version of Pong, which is to say utterly dull. You move two bats and hit a ball (a dot) between them. I didn’t even find that engaging when I was young, so I dread to think what today’s youth will make of it.

I’ve saved the worst for last, though, with the exercise in RSI that is Shooter.

I’m not sure what Shooter is a cheap rip-off of, but it involves moving left and right for as long as your thumb and brain can take it. That’s literally it. If you move too slowly back-and-forth, the blocks at the top descend down and kill you.

If you do keep moving back-and-forth, on the other hand, your brain shuts down in disgust at your poor choice in games. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Retro Games 5 in 1 isn’t a very good collection of games. Its consistent visual design is pleasant for the first few minutes of play, but you’d be better off buying the more enjoyable, separate, modern re-interpretations of the titles instead.

Retro Games 5 in 1

Retro Games perfectly captures the look and feel of an 80s LCD portable 5 in 1 console. It also perfectly captures the poor quality of gaming on a 80s LCD portable 5 in 1 console
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Will Wilson
Will Wilson
Will's obsession with gaming started off with sketching Laser Squad levels on pads of paper, but recently grew into violently shouting "Tango Down!" at random strangers on the street. He now directs that positive energy into his writing (due in no small part to a binding court order).