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 PSP FEATURE

The 10 worst PSP games so far

Get back, foul creatures!
Product: True | Genre: True
 
True PSP, thumbnail 1
Like any console, the PSP has suffered from some absolutely stinkers in the first couple of years of its life. Games so rubbish you'd pay not to play them. Games like KAZooK – so miserable to endure we considered resting a chairleg on our PSP's buttons to make it go faster.

Beware bad games! In the post-Christmas season of cheap PSP titles, it's would be too easy to accidentally pick up a shocker. Here's 10 to shun.
Ten terrible PSP games to avoid
Street Riders
Published by: Ubisoft
"Word up, dog: there's trouble in the hood. Time to flip some wigs back, you dig?" Ho ho ho. Duff dialogue aside, it's the underlying repetitiveness of the action and uninspiring ambition that ultimately guns Street Riders down. While the embarrassment of hearing in-game hero Dupree telling you to "spray that hot heat in their ass" (or similarly eloquent words to that effect) is assured, the real awkwardness comes from knowing that you could and should be playing something far more rewarding.
(Score 5/10 Full review)
Street Riders
TalkMan
Published by: Sony
A brave idea – get your PSP to do translations for you via a big blue chicken – that proved more bird-brained in practice, TalkMan won't be the Walkman of the globalised 21st Century. Early Walkman players were big and ugly, but they worked. TalkMan doesn't really. It's as if the Walkman debuted as a fridge-sized ghettoblaster that randomly played tunes you didn't want to hear.
(Score: 5/10 Full review)

The Sims 2 Pets
Published by: Electronic Arts
Without the slow load times, this would be a commendable if condensed version of an enjoyable franchise. Facing facts, though, EA might as well fill the box with wasps for the amount it'll sting anyone handing over good money to buy it. Every year we're told that pets are for life and not just for Christmas, but when the beast is a shambling, wheezing wreck such as this, putting it down seems the only humane thing to do.
(Score 4/10 Full review)

Sims 2 Pets
Gangs of London
Published by: Sony
A common reason for the onset of a mid-life crisis, it's generally accepted, is a feeling of deep disappointment at how things have turned out. Alas, it's a feeling players of Gangs of London will soon know more intimately than they'd wish to. Initially promising, many expected Sony's release to deliver the goods – a reasonable assumption given that the company has a mostly enviable in-house track record. A shame then that Gangs of London is one hell of a turkey. Decent darts mini-game, mind.
(Score 4/10 Full review)

 
Peter Jackson's King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie
Published by: Ubisoft
"Play as Man. Play as Kong," says the back of the game box. "Don't bother," say we. It's possible the game's developer was trying to induce a sense of disorientation following your character's awakening on a rock after another landed on your head, and if so the intention is well and truly realised. A game that severely falls short of its ambition, it wouldn't be fit to be associated with the local zoo's chimp, let alone the greatest of great apes.
(Score 4/10 Full review)
Taito Legends Power Up
Published by: Xplosiv
Quite why half the titles in this compilation were afforded 'legendary' status – when Bubble Bobble, Rainbow Island and Operation Wolf/Thunderbolt are nowhere to be seen – isn't clear. Perhaps the presence of two Taito Legends collections on home consoles could offer a clue? Cynicism aside, you might think that ten or so arcade legends on one disc isn't exactly bad going. Sadly you'd think wrong, for the lesson on offer here is a scientific study into how bloody difficult old skool arcade games can be.
(Score 4/10 Full review)
Taito Legends
Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects
Published by: Electronic Arts
The thing about super-heroes is that they can do virtually anything. Which is why Rise of the Imperfects is quite possibly the most frustrating and disappointing game we've yet encountered on the PSP. Like some comic book super-villain, the game has concocted a nefarious scheme to limit the superhero's powers and simultaneously drain all the fun from some promising ideas. An aptly titled fighting game that'll have any unwary comic book fans who buy it beating themselves up.
(Score 4/10 Full review)

Astonishia Story
Published by: Ubisoft
The plot makes no sense, the fights are rubbish, characters are called things like 'Man 2' and 'Soldier 1', and to round off what is already a broken and shallow package, the game concludes abruptly, end credits punctuating what seems like a subplot deviation rather than a final, spectacular denouement. It adds up to a weak, tired and tiring game, trampled down by a shoddy translation, made worse by the fact it arrived a full 12 years after its inception when all the competition has long moved on.
(Score 3/10 Full review)

Dave Mirra BMX Challenge
Published by: Crave Entertainment
It hasn't come out in Europe yet. Let's pray it doesn't. A game so poor that even the higher-marking US review sites have given it sub-4/10 scores, from what we've seen it is like a half-finished game somebody found lying around from five years ago that they put into a disc-shrinking box to get it on the PSP's UMD.
(We haven't reviewed it yet. Fingers crossed we won't have to).
KAZooK
Published by: Xplosiv
Crap name, crap game. KAZooK is, allegedly, a party game. We can't really imagine any party that KAZooK would enliven, save a gathering of the Communist Party of China, and only because it might provoke fisticuffs about the People's Republic sliding into Western decadence. Because if KAZooK is fun, comrades, then joylessly burning books in slate grey jumpsuits would be the ultimate high. Avoid at all costs.
(Score 3/10 Full review)

Right, that's enough rubbish. Check out our Top PSP games of 2006, or look for other goodies in our PSP Buyer's Guide
 

Reviewer photo
Owain Bennallack 12 January 2007
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