Features

The ten worst PSP games of 2007

Should come with a wealth warning

The ten worst PSP games of 2007
|
PSP

Sony PSPClichés are clichés because they're true, goes the saying. And if one handheld this year stuck to the truism that film-licensed video games are generally poor, it was the PSP. For there was no portable console more adept at hosting substandard movie-based experiences than Sony's handheld. Indeed, you'll see these make up a considerable proportion of the list below.

But what you won't see is the mediocre overspill comprising of 300: March to Glory, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, to name the three most glaring absentees.

In fact, the only movie tie-in this year worth playing was The Warriors, which based on a 1979 film and converted from a previous (equally playable) PlayStation 2 outing didn't obviously suffer from the typical absurdly rushed development cycle requested of current Hollywood franchise video game extensions.

It may seem as though we digress, yet if there is a positive spin to put on all of the above, it's that outside of film-inspired games PSP has maintained a relatively impressive consistency with regards to quality. Sure, the non-movie games you'll see below are terrible but as we touched upon in our introduction to the ten best PSP games of 2007, they are the exception.

That said, all it obviously does is reinforce the notion that there are far, far better titles worthy of your attention on PSP. The only time you should therefore afford the games below is the few minutes it'll take you to read about them, so you'll know what to steer well clear of in future.

The ten worst PSP games of 2007
10. Rocky Balboa
Developer: Ubisoft
Publisher: Ubisoft
Released: January
Score: 4/10


Hit and hope, hit and hope. Hardly the fighting advice you'd expect Mickey to shout at the Italian Stallion from the corner of the ring but then the champ's never faced an opponent as daunting as the game bearing his full name. And, more to the point, neither have you, as bouts in Rocky Balboa descend into arthritis-inducing tests of stamina as a result of over-complicated controls and poorly executed structure.

9. Aliens vs Predator: Requiem
Developer: Rebellion
Publisher: Sierra Entertainment
Released: November
Score: 4/10


Surely the pairing of two of sci-fi's most memorable monsters can't fail to result in one of gaming's finest moments? That's a trick question, right? Because if AvP Requiem is the answer, prepare for disappointment as cold and harsh as space itself. We'd forgive the game its absurdly illogical moments and we'd even ignore its glitchy nature, if the experience on offer here weren't so dull, repetitive and miserably predictable.

8. Transformers: The Game
Developer: Savage Entertainment
Publisher: Activision
Released: July
Score: 4/10


Anyone who grew up with the Transformers in the '80s must have often dreamt about embodying their favourite pliable metal man and stomping about the place before folding neatly into a Porsche. Or a cassette player. We certainly did (the former, at least). And the one thing we can definitely remember is that mental image never once resembled the nightmare concoction comprising of atrocious controls, uninspired game mechanic and substandard presentation that Transformers: The Game offers.

7. Ghost Rider
Developer: Climax
Publisher: 2K Games
Released: February
Score: 4/10


Not that we have firsthand experience of it, but going up against the daemonic forces of Hell has to present a certain challenge. It's not, we suspect, the kind of task that requires an additional level of difficulty, such as a camera system that often fails to display the seemingly endless hordes of identikit enemies you're tasked with exterminating. And nor, we imagine, is it as monstrously monotonous, lifeless and unfulfilling an affair as Ghost Rider makes out.

6. TMNT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Developer: Ubisoft Montreal
Publisher: Ubisoft
Released: March
Score: 3/10


Okay, we admit this entry isn't entirely surprising. Even before playing it, we suspected the video game version of an ill-advised big screen return for the TMNT gang was unlikely to impress. So it was depressing predictability, rather than crushing disappointment, that faced us when we emerged from this entirely regrettable, mostly incompetent, largely demoralising and wholly unnecessary tie-in. Cowadunga, suggested a reader in the comments section. We have no argument against that.

5. Shinobido: Tales of the Ninja
Developer: Spike
Publisher: Sony
Released: February
Score: 3/10


If we had a time machine, we'd go back and change Shinobido's score. That's the thing about perception, particularly in a field as fast moving as video gaming. But yes, looking back, we'd alter it. It should have been lower. It is, after all, a game featuring a ninja who possesses a fighting system that has been dreadfully implemented, set within one of the most technically inept environments we've had the misfortune to encounter this (or any) year.

4. EA Replay
Developer: EA Canada
Publisher: EA
Released: March
Score: 2/10


Nostalgia may attract ageing gamers to retro compilations like spiders to freshly laid plaster (honestly, ask any builder), but it's the bombproof nature of classic game mechanics that will keep them playing past the blocky graphics and beep beep sounds. The majority of compilations offer the odd genuine timeless masterpiece buried within a pile of experiences therapy alone cannot erase, and EA Replay is no different. Or rather, it would be if it had bothered to emulate the original versions of the few classics it promises, rather than the shocking interpretation of their subsequent, inferior console iterations on offer here.

3. Asphalt Urban GT 2
Developer: Visuo
Publisher: Ubisoft
Released: May
Score: 2/10


If we ever decide to change career, we'll wisely stay away from manufacturing portable digital music players, given the iPod's dominance in the sector. Similarly, we'll ensure we don't venture onto the X Factor stage when there are people like Leona Lewis about (SingStar success is far from an indication of singing ability). So why a publisher would decide to take on the racing crowd on PSP, a format blessed with some of the highest revving portable examples of the genre, with such an uninspired, challenge-free, repetitive, banal and clapped out affair remains beyond the realm of our comprehension.

2. Dave Mirra BMX Challenge
Developer: Crave Studios
Publisher: Crave
Released: June
Score: 2/10


Riding in on one of the most unimaginative, technically restricted and rewardless gaming events of the year, the Dave Mirra brand bails out in spectacular fashion. When promoting the game (which had made it out in the US last year, to widespread dismay), the PR company stressed the fact it had been comprehensively improved for its European release. We didn't and still can't believe them for a minute, though mostly because the existence of a worst version of Dave Mirra BMX Challenge is unimaginable.

1. The Golden Compass
Developer: Shiny Entertainment
Publisher: Sega
Released: December
Score: 2/10


Top of the flops, then, is this festive season's biggest film adaptation. And we'll admit the disappointment at the utter waste of the excellent source material (that's more a reference to Philip Pullman's book than Chris Weitz's cinematic interpretation) has played a part in our decision. Although once you also consider the remarkably derivative content, ill-conceived play mechanics, and insipid structure, it really wasn't a difficult choice. Not when you throw in the fact that due to severe (and astonishing) technical issues, the game effectively comes across as unfinished.

Joao Diniz Sanches
Joao Diniz Sanches
With three boys under the age of 10, former Edge editor Joao has given up his dream of making it to F1 and instead spends his time being shot at with Nerf darts. When in work mode, he looks after editorial projects associated with the Pocket Gamer and Steel Media brands.