Neetu the Alien Killer

I always thought that people play games purely for fun. Some might say they can be consumed by them, like with any other form of art, and perhaps that might be the case with console or PC games such as Bioshock or Braid, but it's a tough argument for mobile games.

Books aren't always fun to read - you might plough through one just so you have a better intellectual understanding of the situation in Palestine or so that, by the end, you know how to fix your car's leaky radiator. But games, I'm pretty certain, are meant to be there to entertain.

So why Neetu the Alien Killer has come to exist is a bit of a mystery. Because it's less a source of distraction and pleasure and more one of intense misery and bafflement.

It's so joyless in fact, I'm considering playing it next time I'm sitting in the dentist's waiting room just so it might mean I can look forward to the distraction of having my tooth matter scraped and drilled away at for half an hour.

An explanation for why this game is so bad is probably in order though, so I'll begin with Neetu's set-up.

Basically, some space city is under attack by aliens of the most clichéd type - grey blobs with laser guns and green plasma oozing out of them - and it's your job to protect it.

This is done by working through various levels and completing their objectives, which usually involve killing a requisite number of these aliens then blowing something up.

Neetu is a 3D game, although its third-person visuals are far from outstanding. The animation of your character is passable, but the rest is blocky like the original Doom (but worse).

The visuals - and the vaguely amusing sampled speech that sometimes pops up - aren't good, but they're not what makes this game so unplayable. That honour goes to the aiming system, collision detection and the general difficulty of the whole thing.

You move Neetu using your phone's joystick or the keypad and can strafe with '1' and '3'. You can also switch between your two weapons - a sword and a gun - using '#' and '*'.

The controls are fine, and would work if it wasn't for the fact it's impossible to lock onto an enemy.

When you get close enough to your foe a red crosshair appears, which means you can fire at them, or hit them. But since they're firing at you too you need to strafe to avoid taking hits, and doing that makes the crosshair disappear again. So you have to move back into position, by which time you've normally taken a lot of hits because movement is slow and stilted and you can't get a shot in.

Fortunately, health pick-ups give you some advantage, but generally you're at a massive disadvantage because enemies spawn randomly and often behind you. By the time you've swivelled even 180 degrees, you might have lost a third of your health.

The aliens change in appearance and capability every level, so there's variety. But a few levels in I came across one type who just wouldn't stay still long enough for me to get a lock onto him, meaning I could only chase him while he fired at me until I was dead.

As a result I'll probably go to my grave never knowing how it's possible to kill that alien in Neetu the Alien Killer. Neither will you, but you probably won't waste too much time worrying about it.

Neetu the Alien Killer

A stilted, buggy 3D alien shooter which fails to build in any sort of aiming or locking on system, resulting in immense frustration throughout. Best avoided unless you like a challenge which is next to impossible
Score
Kath Brice
Kath Brice
Kath gave up a job working with animals five years ago to join the world of video game journalism, which now sees her running our DS section. With so many male work colleagues, many have asked if she notices any difference.