Mobile games, by their very nature, are designed to be played on the move. But that doesn't mean you always should.
You see, not all iPhone games are suitable for public exposure - not if you have any semblance of pride or self-awareness, anyway.
Some games should simply be reserved for more private occasions, whether through the nature of the content or the way in which they need to be played.
Here's a selection of five such games.Our Two Bedroom Story
By Voltage - buy on iPhone
Now, there's clearly a market for these romantic visual novel games... and not just in Japan.
Either way, it would take a particularly unencumbered (or just plain oblivious) soul to whip out Our Two Bedroom Story
in the staff canteen.
Given this one features lots of cheesily flirtatious dialogue with buff anime characters and a slightly queasy 'cute stepbrother' angle, you might want to think twice about booting this up in front of, well, anyone.Leisure Suit Larry: Reloaded
By N-Fusion - buy on iPhone
The King of Sleazy Video Games returns on iPhone. It's nothing to be proud of. Stop smirking at the back!
Yes, Leisure Suit Larry: Reloaded
is a very juvenile point-and-click adventure game, filled with smutty and distinctly un-PC humour.
We'd recommend not
playing it in public. Not because it will offend some delicate soul, but because it will make you seem like a bit of a wiener.Hector: Badge of Carnage Ep 1
By Straandlooper - buy on iPhone
By all accounts, the Hector
series is an altogether more sophisticated and witty set of games than the aforementioned Leisure Suit Larry
. Some of the PG
team are clearly fans of the former.
's risqué tone has been similarly, erm, expanded.
Featuring humour that can definitively be marked as 'adult', it's decidedly not for public consumption. We fear that any protestations of "b... but it's critically lauded!" will fall on deaf ears.Fart Cat
By Summer Camp Studios - buy on iPhone
There are plenty of scatological games on the App Store. The maker of only one, to our knowledge, promises "unique sounds for each fart" in the blurb, mind.
Yes, this is Fart Cat
, a game in which you pump a flatulent mog full of the food it craves. As it chows down on burgers and fish heads, it will excrete an expressive range of poots, from strained whispers to cacophonous trumpets.
Play Fart Cat
in public, by all means, if that sounds like your kind of thing. But be sure to pop those headphones in, or else perfect your "it wasn't me!" frown.Papa Sangre II
By Somethin' Else - buy on iPhonePapa Sangre II
features no fart sounds, lewd jokes, or questionable romantic storylines. In fact, it's one of the classiest games on the market.
It features Sean Bean's dulcet tones, for heaven's sake. Sean Bean!
But playing it in public isn't just impractical; it could also result in your dying or getting arrested.
Playing the entirely sound-based Papa Sangre II
involves closing your eyes, popping your headphones in, and spinning around on the spot. Repeatedly. Told you.