Lock 'n' Load

If you're going to make a twin-stick shooter that deals in horror movie tropes and cartoon violence and throws in the odd joke, then you'd best make sure that it has some bite.

All the old lady gags in the world won't save you if your shooting mechanic is lame.

Luckily, Lock 'n' Load is on the right side of the weighty/flimsy line, and includes enough variety to its gameplay to make sure your attention doesn't wander off elsewhere. It's a big, dumb slice of hokey violence, and it's an awful lot of fun.

You play a hockey-masked hero who's out to save the world from the nefarious plans of a creepy little girl. To do that, you shoot everything that moves until it stops moving, then shoot it some more for good measure.

On-screen sticks control your movement and shooting, and they perform the task perfectly well. A range of buttons between the two let you select your tool of destruction, and a health bar on the right of the screen shows you how much more damage you can take.

You'll rattle off thousands of rounds into knife-wielding lunatics, a variety of witches, pumpkin men, haunted bins, and angry giant squid while working your way through almost every spooky environment imaginable.

The game is about as subtle as a blow to the face by a sack of spanners, but as blunt, violent objects go it's pretty damn good. The pacing is just right, and while you're almost always outnumbered Lock 'n' Load walks the line between desperate last stand and depressingly overwhelmed pretty well.

It's a looker, too, and while there are extra accoutrements, spells, and potions you can buy, the almost-freemium model isn't all that intrusive.

Violent, stupid, and soaked in horror movie in-jokes, Lock 'n' Load is a nicely packaged chunk of mindless fun. If you fancy abandoning your higher brain functions and killing lots and lots and lots of things, then it's going to be right up your Elm street.