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Celebrity Bodyguard

For:   Also on: iPhoneiPad
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Does it make the hot list or the hit list?

Product: Celebrity Bodyguard | Developer: Bravo Game Studios | Publisher: Bravo Game Studios | Format: iPhone | Genre: Shooter | Players: 1 | File size: 47.5MB | Version: Europe | App version: 1.0
Celebrity Bodyguard iPhone, thumbnail 1
Celebrity Bodyguard fancies itself as a satire, but the caricatured A-listers you’re tasked with protecting are hardly the work of a searing wit.

Yet, as your burly bouncer strolls down a never-ending red carpet ahead of Rustin Beaver, Lady BlaBla and Robér Parkson (TwiHards rejoice), it’s easy to read a little more into their seemingly random assailants.

Fire and forget

The snipers training their sights on your chosen celeb could represent critics readying their potshots. Ninjas sneaking around to get up-close-and-personal with the object of your protection are obviously stalkers.

If Celebrity Bodyguard aimed to depict the monotony of a Hollywood lifestyle as an endless promotional trudge interrupted by assorted weirdos, then it’s succeeded admirably.

In case you were wondering, that’s not really a good thing.

Even for a 59p iPhone game, Celebrity Bodyguard is overwhelmingly shallow. Nutters appear, whom you tap with your finger to shoot. Repeat until your celebrity’s stress meter reaches breaking point and they let out an almighty howl, presumably precipitating a trip to rehab. Game over.

Costner never had it this rough

There are wrinkles, of course. The Tinseltown trio have their own special attacks, activated through a gradually-filling power meter. These smart bomb equivalents can rid the carpet of unwanted intruders, or clear out nearby buildings. You can also pick up shotguns or assault rifles for a temporary offensive boost.

Ninjas and panda-suited protestors are among the trickiest obstacles to overcome, as you’ll have to wait until they’re close enough to administer fist-based justice.

They’ll eventually fall should you pump them with enough rounds, but the need to reload every 20 bullets and the increasing frequency of other enemies ensures you’re best saving your trigger finger.

Your 15 minutes is up

Celebrity Bodyguard is fun for the first couple of plays, but even with leaderboards and achievements, it’s difficult to muster the enthusiasm to continue playing once you’ve unlocked the third character.

If being famous really is this dull, then I’m happy to remain a few steps short of the Z-list.
Celebrity Bodyguard
Reviewer photo
Chris Schilling | 23 May 2011
Good-looking but ultimately vacuous – and I’m not talking about the celebs - this 2D shooter is a one-dimensional disappointment
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May 2011
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