Soccer Run

A good endless-runner - like, say, monochrome mobile hit Canabalt - marries a streamlined concept with a sense of momentum. It rewards fast reflexes with the kinetic thrill of cheating death while crashing stylishly through a plate glass window.

A bad endless-runner - like InLogic's Soccer Run - takes a completely incongruous theme, exploits it poorly, and then muddies the purity of the genre with frustrating obstacles and pointless power-ups.

Don't let the title fool you - this game has very little to do with footy. In fact, any connection to The Beautiful Game is tenuous to the point of non-existence.

In Soccer Run, you control a character who is dressed as a footballer. I hesitate to use the term 'footballer' to describe this character, in fairness, for he / she never actually brings a toe anywhere near a leather bladder of any sort.

The game consists of guiding this character around the rim of (what I assume is) a football stadium. The seats function as platforms, which must be vaulted between by tapping the '5' key.

As well as jumping the gaps and covering as much ground as possible, you must collect money, which is scattered across your avatar's running path. Once you've collected enough cash, you can purchase power-ups and new characters from the in-game menu.

The running speed, however, is painfully slow, with the game taking hundreds of metres to pick up any pace - and even longer to coax a glimmer of excitement out of me.

The football iconography, meanwhile, is used in the most nonsensical way imaginable. For example, while money is represented by coins and notes, the biggest rewards come from collecting yellow and red cards. That's rewards for getting red cards. That's just wrong.

The power-ups range from puzzling to downright annoying. A baseball cap renders you immune to obstacles, which take the form or flags, scoreboards, and falling trophies. That's right, sports fans: trophies = bad, red cards = good. That's just double wrong.

You can also purchase an eagle, which scoops you up when you die and flies you an extra 100 metres by way of an unskippable canned animation. After the 50th feathered rescue, you'll wish there was a shotgun among the store's bizarre paraphernalia.

Chances are, however, you'll probably be too dispirited by the actual gameplay to worry about the contents of the in-game shop, and will already be scouring the upper divisions for a more promising signing.