Sexy Babes Wild Waterslides

Timing is everything when dealing with members of the opposite sex, particularly in romantic matters. Catch the object of your affection at the right moment and even the corniest chat-up line could draw a smile. Twenty minutes (or two martinis) either side, and you're as likely to get a slap or a withering stare with exactly the same approach.

The real issue, of course, is that when dealing with the mysteries of the female mind, it's almost impossible to know what the right time is.

Oddly enough Glu's Sexy Babes: Wild Waterslides illustrates the situation perfectly. Granted, the girl in a nightclub is now one of three bikini-clad 'babes'; that tricky first date is replaced with a succession of undulating waterslides and instead of pushing all the right buttons with flirty conversation, you have to push all the right (number) buttons in tandem with on-screen prompts.

The principle remains the same though: get your timing right, and not only will you score enough points to progress to the next level, you'll also be rewarded by getting one step closer to your chosen girl's heart (albeit via an increasingly see-through drenched bikini). Get it wrong, however, and you'll have to start all over again.

Whilst some folk will doubtless rail against the titillation or inherent sexism of the game, to our mind this is entirely misplaced rage. The occasional close-up of jiggling animated buttocks or breasts that Wild Waterslides offers as a reward for a good combination move owes more to Carry On films or Baywatch than to the likes of Nuts or Page 3 (let alone the more adult entertainment that's also available on mobile). And the man who gets his jollies from miniature sprites is quite frankly welcome to them.

What people really should get angry about though is the woefully flawed control system, which well and truly pulls the plug on any aquatic enjoyment.

Varying from extremely unforgiving to completely random, the margin of error allowed for each button press is thinner than a Brazilian tanga. Virtually identically timed presses appear to be rewarded with 'good', 'great' or 'too slow' on an arbitrary basis, and the only way to achieve a 'perfect' is to press the button a moment before the number appears on screen, which is contrary to instructions and equally likely to draw a 'too soon' failure.

Should you miss a button in this manner or press the wrong one (or should the system 'think' you have) the punishment is draconian – your water-sliding lady slows dramatically, and more often than not your next few selections is also disrupted as the game carries subsequent button presses erroneously forward.

Combine this fickleness with an unforgiving difficulty curve and an unfathomable scoring system (we're still not sure what the wetness gauge is supposed to add) that seems to demand the majority of presses be 'perfect', and the experience shifts from excitement to frustration faster than you can say "and this is my boyfriend".

Our frustration is heightened by the fact that there are some nice ideas here. The ability to take snaps of your girl mid-slide to save for later perusal or use as wallpapers is an interesting one that could be used in a less pervy manner in other circumstances (taking pictures of your My Dog, for instance?).

The presentation is far from unappealing, too, with bright colours and jaunty sounds. Even the attempt to add some depth to the babes is kind of amusing in a tongue-in-cheek way. The basic mechanics of the game aren't that bad, and if only they could be freed from the apparent arbitrariness of the challenge, we might well have enjoyed the ride.

Ultimately though, while Sexy Babes Wild Waterslides triumphs as a practical demonstration of the complex relationship between the sexes, as a game designed to provide stimulation, titillation or dare we say it enjoyment, it's all washed up.