Prison Tycoon
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| Prison Tycoon

Most people have pretty strong opinions on the prison system, so you’d think that being given the opportunity to test out your theories (be they liberal or harsh) would be a fascinating social experiment, if not a very entertaining one.

That seems to be where Prison Tycoon is heading, but the limitations as to what you can actually accomplish with your own particular brand of punishment and rehabilitation are ultimately a bit too restricted. Perhaps that’s fitting in a game where the characters' hands are literally tied?

You’re really more of an omniscient prison guard than a tycoon. Taking command of a cell block, it’s up to you to keep the inmates happy, out of trouble and productive - after all, a good prison is a profitable prison. Apparently.

Your charges have a couple of activities open to them, intended to help keep them in line and the warden in pocket. Sending an inmate to the workbench makes you money, but tires them out. When their aggression begins to build up, exercising them at the basketball hoop or in weight training calms things down.

At times, they’ll also begin scheming or preparing to riot, so keeping an eye on their temperament is key to maintaining discipline. This is done very much in the style of The Sims, whereby pictographic thought bubbles are intended to convey a character’s emotional state.

Unfortunately, in Prison Tycoon it’s hard to fathom what any of the porridge posse are actually thinking outside riotous states of annoyance, exhaustion, or happiness. The game engine has to actively tell you when a riot is about to break out (which is only does early on), or when a prisoner is on the verge of being rehabilitated.

When you're left to figure out their intentions for yourself, the majority of the game’s events simply pass you by, or happen regardless of your intentions. Therefore, all you really do is spend time shifting prisoners between the workbench and the exercise zone and hope they don’t kill each other or run away while they wait.

Viewed from an isometric perspective, the graphics are beautifully clean for such a compact style, though moving your cursor between the inmates, cells, workshop and exercise yard is aggravatingly random. At times it’s simply impossible to select a specific location or prisoner, depending on where they’re stood, so no amount of attention to their wellbeing helps when you can’t issue your orders.

Upgrades can be made to the equipment, and as you progress new buildings can be put up to improve productivity and ensure your facility remains in the black, but progress is gratingly slow.

Shoring up enough money to make a tycoonworthy prison takes far longer than the frustrating controls and tedium of early stages allow, making escape from the game your only real choice.

Prison Tycoon

A great idea that lacks proper execution (pun intended), and is hampered by completely random controls and a lack of entertaining gameplay elements early in the game. Extended loading times between screens only adds to the sluggish atmosphere, spoiling what would otherwise be an engagingly brutish take on The Sims
Score
Spanner Spencer
Spanner Spencer
Yes. Spanner's his real name, and he's already heard that joke you just thought of. Although Spanner's not very good, he's quite fast, and that seems to be enough to keep him in a regular supply of free games and away from the depressing world of real work.