Hong Kong Phooey's secret identity asks more questions than it answers. The disguises that super heroes use are rarely convincing, but alter-ego Penrod Pooch (Penry or often misheard as 'Henry' the mild-mannered janitor) is literally the only dog in the show that walks on its hind legs, talks, wears clothes, and has a job. How nobody connects the dots is a mystery.
Putting this aside, there's the question of Phooey's mode of offence. Dogs aren't built for martial arts, and many of the moves Hong Kong Phooey executes are liable to cause far greater injury to himself than to the intended recipient of his violence. That he would persist with the practice is all the more remarkable since, being a dog, he's equipped with a formidable set of teeth and jaws.
Nope, Hong Kong Phooey is stupid, and, unfortunately, this latest mobile outing for everybody's 128th favourite cartoon character does little to bring order to the franchise.
Comprising five mini-games, it tells the story of a foiled heist, the ensuing chase, the search for clues, a brawl, and finally a recovered handbag, all spelled out in comic strip cut-screens.
The paragraph in which we've just summed the game up is, if anything, misleadingly lengthy. Five words would give you a better idea of Hong Kong Phooey's longevity, since you'll blast through all five mini-games in the time it normally takes for pre-cooked rice to cook.
This wouldn't necessarily be a problem if the games themselves were infinitely replayable. Thanks to their paucity, we'll have to look at all five in turn.
'High Kicking Pooch' sees you standing at the centre of the screen and deflecting objects by pressing the corresponding keys on your number pad. It's a sound enough idea, but what it lacks is the sense that you're making contact with anything. You press '3' to lunge out your left arm, and if it's approximately overlapping the barrel you're trying to intercept then, after a spongy pause, it smashes. Meh.
Moving on, there's 'Spot, to the Balloon Car'. This is one of the better games, and involves you drifting from left to right in a car held aloft with a balloon. Holding down '5' elevates you, while releasing it lets you drift downwards, and using this simple control mechanism you have to dodge a succession of birds and rooftop hazards. It's okay.
'Where's that Speck, Spot?' places a magnifying glass in your paw and invites you to pan vertically or horizontally over a wooden tabletop in search of clues. From the unmagnified perspective the clues are specks, so that you know where they are but not what there are. To finish the level you need to make pairs, and that's what this mini-game is: pairs, the card game, albeit dressed up quite nicely. It's actually not too bad.
'Cornered' is a whack-a-mole variant in which you're fixed at the centre of a grid, with hoodlums on some of the eight squares around you, civilians on others, and nothing on the remainder. After giving you a couple of seconds to memorise the positions of your targets, the lights go out, leaving you to strike by memory. It's fine.
The last of the mini-games, 'Handbag Snatch', borrows from arcade classic Frogger, with you working your way from the bottom of a series of screens to the top, weaving your way through traffic and using canal boats as stepping stones. It's, you know, whatever.
The hook to keep you coming back for more is that, in Challenge mode, every time you complete one of the five tasks you earn a new belt and unlock the same game at a higher level of difficulty. The escalating difficulty takes the form of higher speed and smaller time limits, with the attendant problem that the initial levels are painfully slow. Still, all the more reason to finish them. In principle.
And in principle Hong Kong Phooey is fine, but not in practice. The levels are varied and well-devised, but the execution of them is too shabby for the game to really stand out, or even stand up. There may yet be a successful vehicle for this vigilante dog, but this one is about as sturdy as a car that uses balloons to fly. Unless you have a fixation on Hanna Barbara paraphernalia, it's probably best you give it a miss – ahem, consider this the Hong Kong Phooey chop.
Hong Kong Phooey
Although there's nothing hugely wrong with the five mini-games that make up Hong Kong Phooey, their execution is too lacklustre for this to be worth recommending
Rob Hearn
Having obtained a distinguished education, Rob became Steel Media's managing editor, now he's no longer here though, following a departure in late December 2015.