And people say horror films and violent video games desensitise kids.
The environment of ultra-saccharine congeniality, wall-to-wall white teeth and all round sententiousness emanating from the kids of High School Musical 3: Senior Year are painfully nauseating. Not because of the unrealistic good nature of the game (there's probably something to be said for a game where kids don't get their heads flushed down the bog at school) but because of the unrelenting niceness of it all.
The problem is that this dream world is presumably meant to represent the ultimate fantasy of adolescent society, but only succeeds in making you feel like more and more of a class traitor with every friendly and constructive retort with Chad, Marsha, Britney and all the other members of this Brady Bunch nightmare. After being forced to go to bed at 11 o'clock after the game's opening party ("I'd better get to bed! I've got school tomorrow!") I felt like punching myself. So I did. I felt a little better.
It's a mystery who this game is aimed at. Perhaps there's a species of humans somewhere in darkest suburban 'Merca where children romanticise about becoming diligent, helpful, attractive and studious high school pupils. If there is, I don't want to meet them. But for those of us who don't hold true to the idea that a serious teenage problem is whether or not the basketball team have remembered to bring their lucky socks to the 'big game', there's scant little to enjoy.
Taking on the role of a vapid teenager, your quest for flaxen high school popularity mostly centres around being able to sing and dance, though this admittedly good-looking isometric game also prompts you to have as much intercourse with other students as possible.
You know. Talking to 'em.
Anyway, these kids will suddenly and inexplicably break into song and dance, at which point the painfully linear adventure game mechanics switch to your typical music/rhythm style. Pressing left, right, up and down in time with the floating arrows makes you into a dancefloor diva, despite the on screen elements not matching up at all with the repeating, moist midi music.
In and amongst the laboured prompts to seek out a specific people for a chat, a perplexing and disjointed story begins to emerge regarding you and your jolly classmates teaming up to put on a high school musical show. Learning to sing and dance, while building up friendships with other Wildcats by cleverly discussing mind-meltingly superficial topics without boring them convinces the team to join the musical and become… well, I don't know what they become.
Okay, clearly there are fans of the High School Musical film series out there, as this is the third one. If that's you, knock yourself out with the mobile game – it's probably just what you're after and is utterly harmless for kids who don't value independent thought. Otherwise I'd recommend firing up Coolest Girl in School – now that's what school was really like.
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
So sweet it could give you diabetes, but if you're the kind of super-cool dude who really digs those totally awesome movies then the mobile game can't do your intellect any further harm
Spanner Spencer
Yes. Spanner's his real name, and he's already heard that joke you just thought of. Although Spanner's not very good, he's quite fast, and that seems to be enough to keep him in a regular supply of free games and away from the depressing world of real work.