Erotic Pairs

They say that good things come in pairs. We're not sure who 'they' are exactly, but it's true to some degree. Why have one Big Mac when you can have two? Why have just the single quick pint, when there's another cool, frothy one just waiting for you in the pump?

We suspect though, that 'they' never had to play Erotic Pairs when that proverb was created.

It doesn't take a well-educated person (perhaps with a PhD in something unpronounceable) to get the gist of this game pretty quickly. As you can probably work out from the title, Erotic Pairs is a variation on the classic game where you need to reveal hidden pairs of images – in this case, it's a collection of topless young ladies, all of whom seem so unerotic we expect the developer could successfully be sued under the trade description act.

Of course, it could be argued that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that although we find the game wholly unappealing, there might be thousands out there that wouldn't.

We would argue, though (and we'd wager that we'd win) that we're correct in saying that the small, badly digitized images you uncover have all the erotic qualities of a lawnmower. (And if the thought of a steamy encounter with a mower stirs the loins then might we suggest you leave now. And close the door behind you. Please.)

You start the game with a 6x6 grid of hidden images and you then proceed to uncover two of them. Now, unless you're exceedingly lucky, you'll uncover two different images. The object of the game is to remember where the images are, so that when you see a familiar one and you've already uncovered its partner, you'll be able to head straight to it.

And that's really about all there is to Erotic Pairs. Although we imagine that a game like this could be done so much better. Developed with a bit of thought and a spark of originality, you could (for example) have Carry On Pairs. This could be the same game, even the same images (if you really had to), but every time you uncover a matching pair, you would be treated to a comedy 'sliding whistle' noise, or a sample of Sid James doing his trademark 'Yak, yak, yak'. We would never tire of this. Sadly though, this doesn't appear to have been a thought that ever crossed the mind of the developer.

If you're seriously thinking about buying this game, we urge you to think harder. It's lifeless, short and lacking in any addictive quality that would make you want to continue playing after you've had the mildest of pleasures taken from uncovering all the images. Don't say we didn't warn you.