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Dirty Dreams Poker: Blonde Edition

For: Mobile

Blondes have more fun, but will we?

Product: Dirty Dreams Poker: Blonde Edition | Publisher: Infospace | Format: Mobile | Genre: Adult, Card/ board game | Players: 1 | Format: J2ME | File size: 196KB | Reviewed on: K750i other handsets | Version: Europe
Dirty Dreams Poker: Blonde Edition Mobile, thumbnail 1
Most men have been there, way back when they were a young lad innocently rummaging through the house before accidentally encountering their dad's stash of porn. Or is that just a memory of our childhoods?

Anyway, whether it was a few magazines or a video that your father had absent-mindedly left lying around (we're talking pre-internet, remember), this sudden Holy Grail for any 14-year old's sexual curiosity was soon doing the rounds amongst your mates and even circulating about the playground.

Again, that could have just been the schools we went to. But we doubt it, which is why we suspect something else that might be causing a stir in the playgrounds of today is likely to be Dirty Dreams: Blonde Edition, a strip poker game, not surprisingly.

Alas, Dirty Dreams will probably be attracting attention more as a result of being a disappointingly limited poker game rather than through its attempt to seduce men with its digitized naked ladies.

At the start of the game you get to choose which one of the two blondes you are going to pit your poker skills against. Although there really is only one choice, to be honest – a young lady called Luci. That's because your alternative is Gina, and believe us when we say she looks like she's fallen out of the ugly tree and smashed her way through every branch on the way down. A strange choice of girl considering the game is all about blonde lovelies, after all.

Still, at least Luci guarantees visual appeal. The only problem is she happens to be a mean poker player (the only quality the two girls share, in fact) so you've got your work cut out if you want to get her in the buff. Which, let's not forget, is the object of the game.
The idea is simple, being the usual shenanigans you'd expect from the delights of 5-card poker. You and the blonde start with $390 each, which you both use to bet on the strength of your hand. You have the opportunity to swap any or all of the cards you've been dealt or simply hold, if you feel you've got a particular strong initial hand.

Of course, the whole point is that you bet against each other, in the game's permitted $20 increments. Your seductive opponent may match you, raise you if she's feeling confident with her hand (you're informed of how many cards, if any, she has swapped, of course) or fold if not.

Eventually, whichever one of you dealt the current hand is then able to call and hopefully win the round and the cash that has accumulated in the kitty. Win all of the girl's money and you get to see her strip, which is not bad reward for an evening's work at the poker table.

And that's all there is to Dirty Dreams. There's no extra excitement or incentive to keep playing, particularly when the stripping part of equation is the least 'involving' we've encountered from such a game. Visually, there's not much on offer apart form the relative stimulation of the pretty girls (well, one of them at least); on our K750i test phone, the game uses whatever theme you've got the handset configured to as its menu presentation, which is a tad lazy to say the least. On a bright note, the in-game graphics are bold and clear.

Dirty Dreams feels like a smutty attempt to gain downloads, and although the basic poker element is passable, overall it is a soulless and limited experience that won't keep you entertained for very long at all. 
Dirty Dreams Poker: Blonde Edition
Reviewer photo
Chris Maddox  | 16 February 2006
Difficult to go all the way with the girls, but you'll lose interest pretty quickly anyway
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