Crash Twinsanity 3D

“Here you go, way too fast, If you don”t slow down you’re gonna cra-a-ash”, sang indie guitar band the Primitives back in 1988, in reference no doubt to the overly fast life of a friend or lover. If they were particularly prescient they might also have had and eye on future royalties from road safety campaigns too. What they probably hadn’t considered at the time of penning their precautionary ditty were the escapades of an inanely grinning bandicoot who happens to share a name with their track’s title. Which is a pity because their advice would have been particularly relevant to both the developers and any would-be purchasers of this hectic action game.

Like the Primitives song, Crash Twinsanity 3D (not to be confused with the regular Crash Twinsanity which is completely different) is a game about speed and its associated risks, a game in which “if you don’t look out you’re going to break your neck” or possibly be blown up!

Controlling the lead character, Crash Bandicoot, your task is to sprint along a colourful undulating 3D road, leaping over holes and explosives, smashing enemies and collecting collectable things en route. Should you fail to avoid said hazards then Crash will live up to his name and depart this earth with an amusing, if overlong, animation. You’ll also forfeit one of 3 lives and have to pick up the pieces (quite literally if you hit an explosive box!) where you left off.

The controls are simple (left and right on the joypad moves you that way, forward accelerates, back breaks), relatively responsive and, with a nifty Tazmanian-devil style spin and body slam move to destroy most obstacles, you should soon become adept at negotiating the holes, explosive boxes and evil animals which block your path. Sadly these aren’t your biggest enemies. The real challenge comes from the awkward perspective (judging jumps perfectly is nigh-on impossible), some very finicky collision detection (get within a foot of an explosive box and you’re toast) and the actual animation of your character which, once triggered, is impossible to exit (start a spin move near a pit and it’s goodnight Vienna). Whilst these annoyances can arguably be mastered over time, the addition of the longest loading screens yet seen on any mobile game do little to encourage your return.

We can certainly see what the developers had in mind here. Offering a variation on the viewed-from behind car racing games is a nice idea and the presentation is polished enough to stir nostalgic feelings in fans of the Bandicoot’s console games and the frantically upbeat Benny Hill-style tunes enhance the general tempo. Likewise, if you do manage to persist, there’s quite a bit of variety to discover in later levels and some nice twists, such as racing on your arch-nemesis (and now temporary ally) Dr. Nitrus as a sledge. Had the creators slowed down and thought about how well this idea would work on a mobile and spent a little more time honing the perspective and animations before rushing it out, it could’ve followed in the single’s footsteps to be a chart-topper. The fact that they didn’t means that you should “watch, watch your step” before buying a game whose appeal is likely to fade as fast as The Primitives’ career.