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Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain

For: Mobile

The facts are in

Product: Chuck Norris: Bring on the Pain | Developer: Gameloft | Publisher: Gameloft | Format: Mobile | Genre: Arcade, Celebrity, Fighting | Players: 1 | Format: J2ME | File size: 624KB | Reviewed on: N81 8GB other handsets | Version: Europe
Chuck Norris: Bring on the Pain Mobile, thumbnail 1
Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain isn’t just a game. It’s your invaluable guide to being better than yourself, because you’re Chuck Norris, and he’s better than you. That’s a fact.

This is a documentary about how awesome Chuck Norris is, and it’s a gauge against which you can measure your worth as you receive a roundhouse kick to the face.

You can ridicule Chuck Norris for being a B-movie action hero and all-American stereotype, but there's little point. Chuck Norris has beaten you to it. Chuck Norris always beats you to it. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Gameloft’s new Chuck Norris game, Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain, is a spectacular, self-parodying send up direct from the man himself - Chuck Norris.

It’s impossible to harbour anything but the highest respect for an icon like Chuck Norris after just five minutes of playing his new licensed game.

This vicious lampoonery of Chuck Norris’s onscreen persona has obviously been verified by the man, Chuck Norris, himself, and anyone with such a winning sense of humour has to be admired.

And if you don’t admire Chuck Norris, may a roundhouse kick knock you unconscious for so long that when you wake up your clothes will be as unfashionable as Chuck Norris’s in Walker Texas Ranger (starring Chuck Norris).

A wonderfully ridiculous scenario sets you, Chuck Norris, up in a jungle full of Chuck Norris-fearing cannon fodder and a healthy supply of POWs in need of Chuck Norris’s help.

Along with a sledgehammer full of humour, the game blends a couple of different genres together (like some kind of double Chuck Norris punch to both ears) to ensure all Chuck Norris’s fighting and shooting expectations are catered for.

Chuck Norris is armed with a machine gun, but obviously that’s one of the smaller weapons Chuck Norris carries with him - as long as Chuck Norris has both arms and legs, a machine gun is a distant reserve.

The horizontally scrolling levels feature some pretty basic action gameplay, but in quantities high enough to make sure you get the full sensation of a bad (meaning good) Chuck Norris Delta Force sequel.

The bad guys run up with accents foreign enough to convince Chuck Norris that they need killing as he works his way through the jungle rescuing grateful POWs.

Chuck Norris finds other weapons lying around on the ground as he progresses, but the real entertainment is when his gun jams and he’s forced to pick up a jeep.

Depending how much coin Chuck Norris manages to extract from his foes along the way, Chuck Norris can then buy upgrades to his weaponry, new moves and extra health.

Therefore, from quite an early stage in Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain, Chuck Norris is replete with action moves that epitomise everything Chuck Norris fans love about Chuck Norris films.

What really makes Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain shine, however, is the way in which subtle (and often distinctly unsubtle) jokes are delivered.

Overheard conversations by bad guys waiting to feel the wrath of Chuck Norris, the over-the-top macho premise replete with deliberate plot holes, or the monologue of Chuck Norris himself as he waits for the next wave of willing miscreants to run onto his fists are massively amusing, and make Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain a delight to fight through.

Perhaps most amusing of all is the ability to take a photo (using your camera phone) of friends, family, co-workers and enemies and put their faces on Chuck Norris’s adversaries in the game. Beating up these recognisable bobbleheads is a delight beyond that of Way of the Dragon.

All jokes and satire aside, Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain never forgets to ensure this is an addictive and highly entertaining game, though there’s no denying that the entertainment levels are bolstered by the wonderful humour gleamed straight from ChuckNorrisFacts.com.

Those who’ve never laughed with (never at) a cheesy action flick, or harboured a secret desire to knock a bad guy out with one punch then slam the driest, most scathing one liner on their unconscious body just might, just possibly, find this game a bit shallow.

It’s a combination that probably shouldn’t work, but by God, just like Chuck Norris, it really does.

Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain is one of those games that simply has to be played. It’s a first class beat-‘em-up, an action packed shooter and the funniest mobile game we’ve seen since Chuck Norris put his heel in our temples and we woke up dead.

The quick-fire action of its gameplay coupled with the hilarity of the intentionally weak storyline means no one - not even Chuck Norris - could dislike Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain.

Thank you, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris - Bring on the Pain
Reviewer photo
Spanner Spencer | 10 February 2009
A game packed with as much joviality as testosterone, Chuck Norris – Bring on the Pain is rife with the kind of good natured violence that adds up to the perfect game. Is it just coincidence that Chuck Norris – the most powerful individual who ever lived – is the reason for this superb game? No. It isn’t. Chuck Norris rules
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