Bonk's Return

Anyone who's young enough to think the PC Engine must be something to do with a car would be forgiven for thinking Bonk's Return belongs in the 'adult' section of mobile games.

But Bonk is actually a video game character of old, who – back when grunge was cool and MC Hammer was at number one – starred in side-scrolling platform games on the PC Engine, Super Nintendo and Game Boy.

Bonk is the opposite of a new man. He's a prehistoric man – to be precise, a caveman. Instead of wining and dining ladies then only paying half the bill, he goes after cavemen who steal a woman from his turf, and headbutts them until they return her. He's far off realising the environmental impacts of eating beef, and wolfs down whole raw legs of the stuff, then goes off on a 'meat high', stomping down everything in his path.

Your ultimate goal in Bonk is to travel the 20 miles it takes to reach King Drool (who's dragged off your favourite lady) then defeat him. Each level represents a mile, and the journey takes in several different locations, including lava-ridden volcano land and an ice age overrun with caveman-eating blue dinosaurs.

All of the action is side-scrolling, although the game has more to it than simply walking from left to right. There are alternative paths to take, which usually result in getting to dodge enemies or pick up extra points and health.

You control Bonk using either the joystick or numbered keys, with '1', '2', and '3' making him jump (on the spot or to the left or right) and '5' pulling off his signature move, the trusty headbutt. The fighting move of choice for thugs and Vinnie Jones is also Bonk's best defence against the various flying and walking enemies that get in his way.

There are various ways to use the headbutt. There's the basic clonk, of which some enemies require a couple of, then there's the flying headbutt, which involves jumping and then diving head-first onto a foe. This usually finishes them off first time, and earns you more points. Repeatedly tapping the headbutt button also makes Bonk travel further through the air when jumping.

The controls work very well – mainly because Bonk isn't an overly complex platform game. The combat is precise – you can start an attack mid-flight or move – and accurate – donk and they're dead, or at least stunned. Jumping can be a bit fiddly onto later ledges that are the width of spaghetti, but using the joystick makes them much easier to land spot on.

There's also a lot of humour in chomping down on a leg of raptor then watching Bonk go a colourful shade of bright red before legging it off to kill everything in his path. The 'meat effect' lasts a limited time and you can still be killed by falling into spikes or lava, but it makes killing enemies much more fun.

One criticism we'd level at Bonk, is that there's not a huge amount of variety in the levels. They all look very green and luscious – the backgrounds in the game are detailed and pretty and the characters well animated – but, only the enemies and surroundings change every few levels, not the action itself.

There are few puzzles as well; the game is almost entirely a test of your jumping skills and ability to time your attacks well against enemies.

And there's no way of saving your game. Once you've lost all your hearts and lives (you can collect additional ones as you go), it's back to the start to try all over again. Because the first half of the game is very easy, being able to save would mean it only taking about an hour to complete. But playing through levels you've already completed is tedious, even with the alternative routes to find.

On top of the main story game, there are four challenges. These are just time challenges, where you have to reach the end of the level or collect a number of volcano rocks in the shortest time. They're simple but quite addictive if you're trying to beat your previous times, and there are tactical bonuses scattered through them which take seconds off your overall time if you can reach them.

Bonk might be an old man – in video gaming years, and the fact he's not the new kind of face-moisturising one – but we're happy to see his return on mobile. This is the kind of retro platformer that might not keep you occupied until the next ice age (or even until next week, probably) but it will entertain for as long as it does last.