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Bikini Pool Battle

For: Mobile

Bust-ing with flaws

Product: Bikini Pool Battle | Publisher: Twistbox Games | Format: Mobile | Genre: Adult, Card/ board game | Players: 1 | Format: J2ME | File size: 214KB | Reviewed on: V600i other handsets | Version: Europe
Bikini Pool Battle Mobile, thumbnail 1
Here in the Pocket Gamer offices we have decapitated countless zombies, mowed down countless innocent pedestrians with merry abandon and let countless virtual pets starve to death.

If you're going to play and review skip-loads of games, occasionally you're going to have to indulge in behaviour that is of questionable moral standing. It goes with the territory.

Even though we are pretty desensitized to such things by now, however, we can't help but wince a little at the idea behind Bikini Pool Battle – this makes Manhunt 2 look like Princess Peach Unleashed.

Well, maybe not quite. But throwing various sharp, heavy and blunt objects at bikini clad femmes on floating sun beds in order  to drown them is about as twisted and unpleasant a premise for a game we have come across (though perhaps apt considering the game is published by Twistbox games).

Okay, the drowning part isn't quite true but it might as well be.

The game is basically a Battleship clone. You are presented with a swimming pool into which you must place several floating sun beds for the attractive busty revelers of your pool party to recline on. You then take it in turns with the computer to blindly throw objects into each other's pool according to a grid system (which you do via the thumbstick and the '5' key) in order to sink your opponent's sun beds.

The idea is that when you do sink one (which prompts a blood curdling scream from the girl lying on it) the bikini babe in question joins your party and you become the ultimate saboteur of competing shindigs and hence some sort of party god.

The thing is, when you sink a sun bed the girl lying on it appears to follow it to the bottom of the pool, leaving behind a surface bubbling with what are presumably her last gasps. The game's storyline assures you otherwise by presenting you with a saucy (but still work-safe) pic of the sunken lady who, for whatever reason, doesn't blame you for her unexpected plunge. Instead, she makes it clear she's going to make her way over to your pool party for cavorting and general innuendo.
Two modes of play – Single Battle and Story Battle – exist. The former is exactly what is says it is, while Story Battle is essentially a string of bouts threaded together with the occasional slither of dialogue telling you about the party that you're about to try and ruin.

It's extremely simple stuff and despite its slightly wacky premise there's no hiding the fact this is essentially an unimaginative take of the classic boardgame, with a cynical 'it's got boobs in it so it'll sell' theme plied haplessly on top.

Granted, it's not entirely devoid of innovation. There's a mini-game in which you have to spray scantily clad women with a hose (in a shooting gallery-style) that's prompted by getting several correct hits in a row on your opponent's pool. It's much too easy to present a challenge, however, and if we're honest the reward of a multi-hit shot where you can choose to throw objects onto two parts of the pool at once is precious little motivation.

The addition of a Gallery mode for admiring the pictures of women you have managed to lure to your party (via the most bizarre pulling technique we've ever heard of) shows a bit of effort in the design stakes, but really this game just isn't enough fun for you to persevere with collecting all of the images.

And it's not fun mainly due to the computer AI, which seems to have an almost preternatural sense for guessing correctly with regards to where you've placed your sun beds on almost every one of its turns. Combined with the game's other shortcomings, it doesn't take long to realise this isn't really worth your time, no matter how twisted your tastes.
Bikini Pool Battle
Reviewer photo
Fraser MacInnes | 30 October 2007
Unimaginative and completely lacking in fun, Bikini Pool Battle manages to turn the classic Battleship formula it borrows into a yawnsome experience
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