Football Club Manager 2010

There are people in life who just don't understand the offside rule. Whether it's because they're not to be bothered or there's a large gap in their brain is anyone's guess, but whole afternoons can be spent trying to convey to them the complexities of a linesman's primary function, without even a "thank you" proferred as reward.

If Football Club Manager 2010 was a person, then sadly it would be one of these strange creatures. Not that its play casts aside the offside rule in any form, but it just doesn't get football.

The game supposedly provides an uncomplicated introduction to the world of football management. In reality, it could well have been bundled together on a rainy afternoon, its take on the intricacies of managing a modern day football club almost insulting to those who practise the art.

There are three main problems with what's on offer here. The first and most serious is the game's interpretation of what constitutes management. While superficially Football Club Manager 2010 has most bases covered - controlling your actual line-up, picking team tactics, buying and selling of players - under even the lightest of scrutiny, they fall apart.

Most notable is the transfer system. In both the real world and even the most rudimentary of football sims, trying to buy a player from another club is a complicated process. Those in the negotiations have to consider whether the club wants to sell the player in question and whether said player want to move to their club in the first place.

Mobility Games obviously considers all of this to be nothing but hot air. In Football Club Manager 2010, if you want a player all you need do is tap their name on the screen, and they're yours - the only requirement is that you have enough money in the bank to pay off their club.

Taking control of one of the big budget teams therefore gives you carte blanche over everyone else's squads, the likes of Rooney and Giggs able to switch from Utd to City within a matter of moments.

Not that any of those names exist in any form here. The game understandably comes with no official licenses - meaning both real team and player names are a no-no. Curiously, you're allowed to change player names in the first week of your campaign, but the names of any other clubs are out of bounds.

So, while you can happily switch 'Liverpool Blue' to 'Everton' should they be your team, you'll still frustratingly find them taking on 'Liverpool Red' when derby day comes around.

The final nail in the game's coffin is what happens on a match day. While some rivals have taken to show 3D highlights, Football Club Manager 2010 relays games in ugly 2D.

Mini-blobs essentially bob about in the middle of the pitch, every single chance on goal a case of one blob running into the box and shooting at the blob standing between the goalposts – otherwise known as the goalkeeper.

It's dire stuff, and bears almost no relation to either the sport itself or whatever tactics you've plumped for. Almost every match is seemingly decided by whoever has the most expensive squad (an early contest between Man City and Hull during our run-through, for instance, having a ridiculous half-time scoreline of 8-0). Those with big money signings ease past the league's also-rans.

As every fan of the sport knows, football is a funny old game, and quite often the minnows have a surprise or two up their collective sleeves when they come to play the big boys.

But Football Club Manager 2010 has very little time for football. This is an especially dull and equally unrepresentative take on both the sport itself, and those who manage the clubs that play it.

No one expects iPhone management sims to match the depth offered by those available on PC, but this is sadly, cynically shallow.