Day Care

Fancy playing a game where you take on the role of a tax inspector? Or have you got a real hunger to have a crack at being a litter pick?

There's nothing wrong with either profession, of course, but you have to say neither would inspire you if you saw it on the back-of-the-box blurb as you headed towards the till, whether real or virtual.

Taking charge of a particularly slow, almost dirge-like day nursery is Day Care's setting, and it's fair to say it delivers exactly the kind of game you might expect: tedious, largely pointless, and frankly bizarre.

Don't give up the day job

It's almost as if the developer scoured the job ads in the back of the local paper to find a suitable setting for what is the most stale time management sim you're ever likely to come across.

Using an on screen pointer, you have to attend to the wants and needs of a number of children in your nursery. This means clicking on their heads when prompted, and attending to whatever they require - whether they want to sit down and draw, or play with a ball, for instance.

The longer you leave it, the more upset they get, with money rather strangely handed out for each successful action you undertake. Commission-based childcare, if you will.

Given each level comes with a set cash target, like all these games, Day Care boils down to being as quick as you can, and meeting each and every need before the game's clock runs down.

No time for time management

Considering Day Care is the slowest time management title on record, however, it's especially ironic that each and every move you make is essentially judged by the amount of seconds it takes up.

Watching your avatar waddle over to the action uses up far more time than the action itself – it's a truly painful experience.

What's more, almost every stage is identical.

It speaks volumes that there are levels where simply clearing up toys left on the carpet or serving food in the nursery's canteen is the goal.

As bad a title as you're ever likely to see on Pocket Gamer, Day Care needs an early bath, then bed.