Damage-San

We’ve such a rich history of ripe one-liners from movies that have entered our common vocabularies. “Hasta la vista, Baby.” “Here’s looking at you, kid.” “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

Somehow we don’t quite feel that the “Tortoise head” quip from Damage San is quite qualified to join that list but we like the effort, nonetheless. The reason we bring this up is that humour in the form of quick verbal sniping is the one redeeming feature within an otherwise un-inspiring adventure game.

A plot that’s based on fighting undead warriors with your trusty samurai sword may well sound like fun, and thankfully in this case it does involve a laugh or, at the very least, a chuckle. It’s a sideways scrolling beat-em-up which pits you against the loyal fighters of the evil Lord Sumoo, a large green sumo wrestler with a fetching red hat who has just turned the hero’s brother to the dark side, making it your task to win him back and restore your family’s honour. Very noble.

There are three ways of playing the game, starting with the essential training mode that helps you understand how to use the controls. It’s not rocket science, the only two attacking moves being kicking and slashing, but it does require a bit of practice. Once mastered you can move onto the arena mode and have endless head to head fights against the same bad guy, or move onto the adventure mode which involves walking, kicking and, erm, more slashing. This does prove to be rather limited but it’s actually quite fun, especially when trading insults with your beloved evil brother and Lord Sumoo, whose party trick is launching fireballs from his armpits.

It’s this quirky style that makes the game worth taking note of, packed as it is with endless puns and one-liners that will have you either sniggering or rolling your eyes. After despatching an enemy you call the once undead, now really dead-dead, names like “Tortoise Head” and “Maggot Breath”. And they go on and on. As you approach an enemy, as you fight him and after you’ve killed him there’s a new line of insults or bragging which, thankfully, adds a bit of fun to an otherwise average game.

The graphics are simple enough to be clear and stand out on the small screen and there’s some nice detailing on the cheeky faces, though the landscapes are perhaps a bit repetitive. The only difference on each level seems to be a slight colour change, though they do scroll smoothly. As for the sounds, all you’ll hear are a Japanese jingle on the menu screen and a little Oriental ditty that chimes joyfully as you slay each baddie. They serve the bare minimum in creating an atmosphere of ancient Japan, though as it’s all very comical anyway it doesn’t really need much more, as nice as it would have been.

It may take you a while to start appreciating Damage-San and by the time you’ve reached that point you may already be bearing the boredom threshold, so if the idea of a walking/slashing game with cheesy dialogue appeals to you, then it may well be a good choice. Don’t expect weeks of endless enjoyment, though, as the game is undoubtedly limited, whilst it’s main redeeming feature, the humour, is likely to wear off after a few goes. Worth a look and a giggle, though maybe not a lifetime’s achievement award.