Cute Girlfriends Interactive

Celebrated British journalist Malcolm Muggeridge once quipped that having a libido is like 'being chained to a lunatic'. Mobile developer Brainmelt is clearly hopeful that this is the case, as only the most libidinous lunatic could extract any kind of enjoyment from its latest smutty offering.

Cute Girlfriends Interactive is a 'game' that involves completing a grid comprising nine mini-games, each of which promises a provocative image as a 'reward' for success.

To say that these games are basic would be an understatement. They're also rather sparse, as only three different types are spread across the three-by-three grid.

'Catch' throws an image across the screen, the aim being to centre your crosshair as close as possible to the target in the middle of the image. 'React' divides an illustration into four segments that flash on and off, requiring you to freeze each segment at the correct time to complete the picture. And the final game, 'Centre', (by far the easiest of the undemanding trio), requires you to locate the picture using the cursor keys.

You're bestowed a generous three lives at the start of the game – failing a challenge loses you a life, but these can be restocked as you progress. (If it all sounds suspiciously similar to Victoria's Naughty Games, that's because it's effectively the same game.)

And that's your lot. Once you've unlocked all the artwork – something even the most cack-handed player will achieve in under five minutes – you can browse them at will. But there's no score to beat, no additional artwork to find and absolutely no incentive to play any further.

The illustrations themselves are horrendously bad and would struggle to arouse even the most sex-crazed adolescent. They feature hideously grainy representations of well-endowed manga babes in various states of undress, many engaged in fulsomely exploitative lesbian sex. If you really, honestly, feel the need to gaze at such material, then you need look no further than the World Wide Web, saving yourself a couple a quid in the process.

The questionable artwork could be at least excused if the core game delivered any degree of enjoyment, but it's clear that this is just a limp slideshow with a vague stab at user interaction tacked on as an afterthought. Sonically, things aren't much better – save for a few spot effects, the hunt for bare female flesh is carried out in total silence.

Mobile gaming has truly come of age over the past few years, with some recent releases giving dedicated console titles a run for their money in terms of value and entertainment, so it's disheartening to see that some developers still insist on creating such drivel. Even taken within the context of a short-burst mobile phone game, Cute Girlfriends Interactive spectacularly fails to entertain.