Us Brits like to think we're world champions at binge drinking, but really, we're not even mid-table. How does throwing up, fighting and collapsing in gutters qualify you as a good drinker?
Take a trip to Germany for the Munich beer festival and you'll see how things are done. By which I mean people drinking strong beer all day, singing their hearts out, then hugging each other and tottering home to bed, before doing it all over again the next day. That's a top-class boozing performance, Brian.
How appropriate, then, that Beershooter should show up for review. Not only is it the latest mobile game from German publisher HandyGames, but it's based around a Bavarian beerfest.
But hang on, who's this you're controlling? A strapping bloke called Arni with what looks like a flame-thrower strapped to his back, and more than a passing resemblance to a certain Terminator turned politician? Are all the game's drinkers evil robots from the future who have to be slaughtered to ensure humankind's survival, then?
Well, no. Instead, Arni's job is to fire beer from his backpack into the mouths of these happy drinkers, although they soon stop being jovial if you don't do a good enough job. Simple stuff, and the result is a fun casual game that, while it won't hold your attention in the long-term, has enough amusing touches to keep you entertained for a while.
Take the control method. With the screen made up of different tables full of drinkers, each one is assigned a number on your phone's keypad. Playing is simple: when someone jumps up and demands beer, press that table's number to fire a jet of the cold stuff into their mouth. And repeat.
The graphics are cartoon-like and full of character – or rather, characters, as the main appeal is the different people frequenting your beer garden.
There's two difficulty levels, Normal and Professional, and a bit of variety provided by the appearance of bonus characters at the top of the screen (targeted using '1', '2' and '3').
Beershooter is fun, and will certainly raise a laugh down the pub. Shame there's not much depth to it, though – it would have been nice to see more of a Career mode, for instance, to keep you coming back for more. Because as things stand, once you've played a few times and clocked up a decent high score, there's little incentive for another round.
Beershooter
Like some Continental beers, it's very good at first but eventually loses its appeal
Stuart Dredge
Stuart is a freelance journalist and blogger who's been getting paid to write stuff since 1998. In that time, he's focused on topics ranging from Sega's Dreamcast console to robots. That's what you call versatility. (Or a short attention span.)