Babe Quest

Breasts are an odd innovation. Being of the male persuasion, I can only imagine what it's like living with such pendulous appendages attached to your front, but with a good deal of the population obsessed with them, they'll presumably stay in production. Just imagine what would happen to the lingerie industry if they disappeared altogether. I'm not sure the ailing economy could weather such a hit.

This obsession with breasts is something that's shared by Babe Quest, which offers you six unlockable pictures of pairs of the things. They come in varying styles, although they are, predictably, mostly large.

You unlock these images by playing a retro-style Pac-Man game (really!). In it, you control a little yellow smiling face that moves around a regular grid. Underneath this grid is the breast-based image, sectioned-off into little squares. Travelling across each side of one of these squares reveals that part of the image.

So, to unlock the whole image, you need to move your little yellow face across every line that makes up the grid. However, there's a little not-so-smiley green face that follows you around. If it comes into contact with you, it's game over.

There are three difficulty levels, but all they really do is route you through to the later, more difficult levels. There are six levels in total, one for each of the unlockable images, and the difficulty ramps up every two levels.

Unfortunately, this flimsy effort makes for a poor game that's transparently nothing more than a window through which you can grab the breast images. It has the visuals of a 1980s arcade game, but none of the charm or nostalgia factor commonly associated with golden oldie gameplay.

The later levels do get more difficult, with a second green unsmiley entering the fray in the last two levels, but there's perilously little on offer here, with levels generally taking a couple of minutes to complete.

In our experience, while adult games tend to be terrible, they don't have to be. Games like Sexy Orgynizer and Pirates Poker XXX may not compete too well with their non-adult rivals, but they're at least worth playing. Babe Quest, on the other hand, is poor even by the lax standards of adult gaming. We strongly recommend you go elsewhere in your quest for mammarial excitement.