Streetball

Perhaps the strangest oddity in this loose interpretation of basketball is a playable Abraham Lincoln (decked out in a smart suit and trademark top hat).

Even weirder, Honest Abe’s teammate appears to be his assassin John Wilkes Booth.

Odd historical gags aside, there are few chuckles to be had playing Streetball’s pretty weak impersonation of an arcade sports game.

Built on the ever-shiny Unity engine, static screenshots at least give the impression Streetball looks the part - being basketball played in a street and all.

In motion, however, it’s a game that offers a stilted, Java-like game of two-on-two hoops.

You pick a player, based on appearance and physical stats, and then decide whether you want to play a standard five-minute game, compete to reach 21 points first, or go head-to head in H.O.R.S.E challenges (where you, very oddly, draw shapes to score points).

Newcomers will want to play through the tutorial first to get used to the controls. Viewing the action side-on, you run back and forth with a virtual joystick on the left.

Offensive moves (passing, shooting) and defensive actions (blocking, intercepting) are handled by tapping dynamic icons on the right, which automatically switch depending on your current role in the match.

It’s quite intuitive, but it needs to be, as simply working out whether you have the ball can be tricky thanks to the minimal animation and lack of visual feedback.

Players, who frankly move like cheap marionette puppets, are disconnected from both the ground and the ball and appear to float from end to end. They only come to life when shooting or slam-dunking - when your job is to time shots to match a moving bar with a static one to boost accuracy.

Skill is pretty unnecessary, as once you get used to the simplistic shooting scoring three-pointers is an easy way to decimate your AI opponents.

With no leagues, cups, or multiplayer, there’s little longevity here. The H.O.R.S.E. mode is the only innovative touch, if you define ‘innovative’ as copying line-drawn shapes to inspire your player to score penalty shots.

Like a half-hearted graffiti sketch of NBA Jam, this game really deserves to be benched for unsportsmanlike conduct.