Gaming historians believe that there was once an age when developers didn't update their games. Instead, video game makers just released their products and that was it.
Sounds fairly unlikely to me. I mean, how did they fix all the bugs? Checkmate, historians. I await your response.
In this more 'enlightened' age, though, our Android and iOS games are patched more heavily and more frequently than a repenting chain smoker.
So, to help you keep up with the gaming firmware update deluge, we'll be bringing you a weekly round-up of noteworthy new levels, characters, and bug fixes for iOS and 'droid games, as well as the weirdest and silliest patch notes going.
Right, let's get this patch party started...Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition
By Overhaul Games - buy on iPad
Mega-RPGs are always going to have one or two scuffs in the code.
Mega-RPGs from 1998 translated onto miraculous devices that the original developers could never have imagined have even more scuffs.
So, Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition
has received a weighty update, with a few crash fixes, a few tweaks, and a truly titanic list of individual bug fixes.
It's so vast, in fact, that reading and understanding the entire thing instantly results in a stat boost to your Intelligence.
If I were you, I'd go to work on your Charisma next.Pixel Defenders Puzzle
By Social Titans LLC - buy on iPhone and iPad
This cute little puzzle-strategy game only popped up at the end of last year, so Social Titans's first major update to it is prompt, to say the least.
Over Christmas, the guys at Social Titans were clearly brewing up something big. That something is a new mode.
The recipe isn't that complicated: take one Endless mode and one Assault mode; stir well; et voilà! One never-ending Assault mode.
Social Titans has added some global leaderboards and 64 achievements to its puzzler, too, courtesy of Game Center support. Oh, and the tutorials are now "much faster and shorter".
Lovely.Sky Gamblers: Storm Raiders
By Atypical Games - buy on iPhone and iPad
Atypical's gorgeous dogfighting game has been received incredibly well, with Storm Raiders
proudly wearing its PG Gold Award alongside its various other bars and service medals.
The most recent update to Storm Raiders
is short and sweet. Just like my mum. Stop right there.
In version 1.3, then, there are tweaks, there are fixes, and - best of all - there are three new planes (the Japanese Hayabusa, the jet-powered P-80 Shooting Star for the Americans, and the Hawker Hurricane for the RAF).
Chocs away!Little Generals
By Smarter Apps - download free on iPhone and iPad
or download free on AndroidLittle Generals
has been updated plenty of times since its launch in May.
Version 2.5 is merely the latest in that long line of firmware patches, then.
Players of this Worms
-like artillery battler have new weapons to play with - the Reverse Rollers - and several patriotic tanks are now available to provide some nationalistic flavour.
All the great powers are represented: the Yanks, the Russians, the Chinese, the Germans, the Brits, and, err, the Irish.Last Knight
By Toco Games - buy on iPhone and iPad
Endless-running, endless-flying, endless-punching, and now endless-jousting.
We weren't endless-cheering Last Knight
or endless-awarding it with gongs when it debuted, but this update might help fix one or two of its problems.
You can now tailor the control sensitivity to your liking, while the collision detection - one of our big quibbles - has been improved.
There's also a new mode called Squire Endless. Get in.
PG's Patch Notes of the Week Awards
The runner-up is:Last Knight
: "Horned bucket is a bit more brave now." Good for you, horned bucket.
This week's winner is:
Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition
: "Treacle's gender no longer in question." Ooh err, missus.