Pokermillion: Hold 'Em

It’s no secret that poker games are ten-a-penny on mobile devices. Throw a stone into the mass of titles that make up the Java market and you're almost guaranteed to hit a stack of virtual chips.

Even if you narrow your focus to include only the Texas Hold 'em derivation of the timeless card game, you’re still faced with a overwhelming choice of titles all vying to get your spurs under their tables.

With a marketplace this saturated, you have to go the extra mile to make your particular take on the formula stand out from the competition. In the case of Pokermillion: Hold 'em, its oddly aspirational trappings fail to distract from a functional but uninspiring package.

Middle of the pack

From its seven-figure title to the game's affluent high-rollers and luxury locations, Pokermillion: Hold 'em is keen to give you a taste of the good life. Choose the Competition option and, after clearing the nightclub stage, you'll find a country club, a penthouse, and finally a cruise ship waiting in line to play host to your tournaments.

Two wins is all you need to carry you through the first stage, but you’ll have to take the pot on eight hands during the fourth and final stage if you want to emerge the overall victor. A line-up of eight cash-rich competitors is waiting to take you to the cleaners, and blinds are set at $250 to keep the money flowing.

And if you haven't got the time for a tournament, the Quickgame option lets you tweak the number of hands/players to build your own custom game from scratch.

The problem is, despite Pokermillion: Hold 'em's desire to convey the thrill of high-stakes poker, the presentation is decidedly lacklustre. The POV viewpoint means that the screen is largely taken up with your opponent's avatars, all of whom suffer from odd and occasionaly downright creepy animations.

Limp in

As screen real estate is primarily dominated by sprites and backdrops, in-game text is extremely small, and often dotted all over the screen. This takes an unnecessary toll on your peepers - especially when the table is at full capacity.

The games play out as you'd expect. Some characters seem more prone to folding early, others are intent on bluffing their way into the green. However, there's an underlying sense that the odds are skewed a little too much in your favour, which sucks some of the heat out of the action.

Despite the clicking of chips and some background muzak, the soundtrack also falls flat, paling in comparison to the sample-heavy audio of World Poker Tour: Hold ‘em Showdown.

In fact, the whole package looks somewhat phoned-in when held up against other poker titles, rendering Pokermillion: Hold ‘em another so-so addition to the genre’s swollen ranks.

Pokermillion: Hold 'Em

Playable but perfunctory, Pokermillion: Hold 'Em is left treading water in a very crowded pool due to its awkward presentation and lack of flair
Score
James Gilmour
James Gilmour
James pivoted to video so hard that he permanently damaged his spine, which now doubles as a Cronenbergian mic stand. If the pictures are moving, he's the one to blame.